


I Know All Your Colors

by someonethatsfunny



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Coming Out, Fate, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, I PROMISE THERE WILL BE A HAPPY ENDING, It's pretty fluffy, Louis' a merboy, M/M, Panic Attacks, Romantic Soulmates, Scuba Diving, Soulmates, Uni AU, You asked for magical Harry but got magical Louis instead OOPS, also Ben's a dick bc reasons, mermaid au, not a lot of angst I promise, tw: panic attack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-18
Updated: 2016-01-21
Packaged: 2018-04-21 07:18:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 34,529
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4820243
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/someonethatsfunny/pseuds/someonethatsfunny
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Summary: The one where Louis is a mermaid and Harry meets him as a five year old boy.  What happens when you meet a merboy at the tender age of five, but no one believes you?  Will you listen to your parents and other adults who all tell you that you’ve imagined him or will you hold onto the memory of him for a lifetime, never willing to let him go?  What if you can’t let him go because you’re pretty sure you were destined to meet and to be a part of one another’s lives?  Maybe it’s down to fate.</p><p> </p>
            </blockquote>





	1. First Meeting

**Author's Note:**

> {I had an anon come to me asking for a ficlet about Harry and Louis featuring Harry as some type of magical creature. Clearly, I have problems following directions because what follows is a full fic featuring Louis as the magical creature instead of Harry. OOPS. As soon as I heard magical creature, all that I could see was Louis as a mermaid. I drew some inspiration from the movie Splash, but it doesn’t follow it closely enough to be considered splash AU.}
> 
> Nonnie, I hope that you see this and that you will be happy. It was a challenge just as you thought it would be and has grown to something much larger than I anticipated. 
> 
> Obviously this is complete work of fic. Please do not repost this anywhere.
> 
> Thank you so much to anyone who gives this a read!!

_Harry was five years old when he saw the boy he called Rainbow for the first time.  He had the most beautiful smile that Harry had ever seen.  Harry distinctly remembered how much he desperately wanted to get closer to the boy if only to bathe in his happy glow.  He was only five years old and yet somehow he knew right away that he wanted to know him, needed to know him somehow.  If only Rainbow would've been real…_

15 years ago

The boat was really big.  Definitely the biggest boat Harry had ever seen, let alone been on.  When his Mum had told him and his sister, Gemma, that they were all going on a big boat for a week on holiday he’d been both surprised and excited.  “Where are we gonna sleep, mum?” Gemma had asked her.

His mum had happily explained to them that there were beds on the boat and that they’d actually be sleeping out at sea. “There will be about one hundred and fifty people on board and we'll eat all of our meals on the ship and sleep in a small cabin aboard the ship at night. We’re going to have the very best adventure,” she’d assured them as she rattled off the names of various places they'd be stopping to visit along the way.  Harry was more excited about the boat itself to be honest because he was looking forward to seeing some creatures in the sea.  It was a lucky thing that his Dad had won this very special trip through his work.  None of his friends at school had ever taken a trip like this before!

Suddenly Harry was pleased about those swimming lessons that his mum had insisted on getting him at the leisure centre. The pool water had been ridiculously cold at first and he hadn’t much cared for the swim teacher, but he’d completed his lessons with ease.  The teacher even nicknamed him a little fish and he had a certificate that his mum had displayed proudly in their kitchen.  He was officially a duckling now, well on his way to being an Alpha Step 1 the following year.

When they first arrived to the “big ship” as his Dad had been calling it, they had to sit through a really boring meeting where the  people in charge showed them these awful bright orange life jackets and taught him how to properly secure one over his shoulders.  Harry hated them immediately.  “They feel funny,” he complained to his mum.  The rough edges of the jacket scratched harshly against his skin and his arms felt huge and displaced as they flared away from his body from the bulk.  It was worse than the snowsuit his mum had forced him to wear in the winter and that had been pretty terrible.

“Well, it might feel funny to you, Bug, but it keeps you safe, so when we go in the water you’ll have to wear it.  I can’t risk anything happening to my baby, can I now?” she’d tickled him in an attempt to get him to laugh.  

Harry didn’t wanna laugh, though.  He wanted to be mad.  The life jacket was uncomfortable and it wasn’t fair that only the little kids had to wear them.  With his arms folded across his chest he pouted, “That’s silly, mum.  I’m a duckling now.  And anyway, don’t call me bug.”

So far, Harry wasn’t sure if he was gonna like this trip on the big ship.  He most certainly didn’t like the life jackets.  Most days Harry preferred to wear as little clothing as possible.  And he didn’t like being called Bug either.  That name was his big sister’s fault, though.  Gemma was mean sometimes.  He really didn’t think his eyes were as big as she said they were.

*****

Despite the annoying life jacket, Harry had to admit that he really liked the big ship so far.  More than anything else, he loved watching the sea for fish and jellyfish just beneath the surface. In fact, earlier that day the best thing had happened! They saw some dolphins swimming alongside the ship! It looked they were performing specially for them when they jumped out of the water in pairs. A member of the ship's staff explained to the people gathered round to watch them that dolphins were very social animals and preferred traveling in groups just like this one.  Harry thought they were the most amazing animals he'd ever seen.  He'd leaned over the railing as far as he could to watch them until eventually the ship had moved too far away for him to see them anymore.

Not long after the dolphins were out of sight, his mum had suggested that they head back to their cabin to get ready for dinner and Harry was devastated. He wanted to remain down on the diving deck so he could keep a watch out for the dolphins. What if they came back and he wasn't there to see them?  That thought made him very sad.

"Please mum," he begged.  He smiled as wide as he could because he knew that if his dimples were on display he was much more likely to get his way. Back at home they almost always earned him an extra cookie. His mum always ended up laughing at him and telling him that he was lucky he had a money winning smile and bags of charm. Harry didn't even know what she meant, but if it earned him an extra cookie, you wouldn’t hear him complaining!

"Darling, you know I can't leave you alone on the diving deck.  God forbid something should happen.  We'll come back again tomorrow. I promise," his mum insisted.

"I could stay with him a little longer while you get ready if you'd like, Mrs. Styles," offered an older boy named Ben.

Harry was so happy he could have kissed the boy right then. "Please mum?" he begged her relentlessly.

Finally, his mum agreed, but not before making Ben promise to keep a close eye on him to ensure that he kept his life jacket on at all times.  She also insisted that Ben please call her Anne. Harry's mum didn't like being called Mrs. Styles. She said it made her feel old. Harry wasn't sure why being old was a bad thing. He couldn't wait to get older himself so he could do more cool things.

Being told that he was too little to do things was something Harry fiercely disliked.  When you're little you had to do stupid things that only babies did, like wear orange life jackets. Harry wasn't a baby though. He was a duckling!  He really didn't think that he should have to wear it given the fact that he was soon to be an Alpha Step 1. Ben wasn't wearing one and Harry quietly wondered to himself if Ben was even a good swimmer. He didn’t look it to be honest.

"How old are you?" Harry asked him curiously after his mum hugged him goodbye. She’d made him promise to be good and reminded him that he needed to be back in time for dinner.  

Seventeen," Ben answered with a crooked smile as his eyes did a quick scan around the ship, "Listen kid. I'm gonna grab a drink and a smoke while our parents get ready. You'll be okay on your own for a little bit, right?" Ben asked him.

Harry looked at him very seriously, "I'm five Ben. And I'm a duckling, okay?"

Ben just laughed at him and ruffled his hair, promising to be back in a few minutes time. Harry was pretty sure he didn't like Ben at all. His mum would be very angry if she knew that Ben had left him all alone. It wasn’t as if Harry minded being alone really. In fact, he kind of enjoyed the quiet sometimes.  What he didn't like was being laughed at.  Especially when he wasn't trying to be funny.

The first thing that Harry did when Ben left was unfasten his life jacket and toss it aside. No one had to know he thought to himself. It was scratchy and uncomfortable and he was thrilled to be free from it. Then he scooted his bottom forward until he sat at the very edge of the diving deck and stared out at the sea.

The sun was already dropping lower in the sky and changing colors rapidly as it fell.  Shades of reds and oranges reflected off of the water.  Even though Harry knew the sea wasn't really calm, it looked fairly peaceful at the moment.  He couldn't spot the dolphins anywhere, but it was still nice to sit there and quietly keep watch for them. Perhaps they'd surprise him and he'd be able to reach out and touch one this time. Their skin looked so smooth and soft.  Harry imagined how it might feel to touch it.

As he sat there imagining himself actually swimming with the dolphins he caught sight of a tail coming out of the water a little ways out.   Slowly, it arched up out of the water and then smoothly dove back beneath the surface, leaving the water perfectly calm, as if it never been there in the first place.  The thing that first struck Harry was that it was rainbow colored with the colors of the setting sun dancing off of it’s multi-colored scales.  Harry knew without a doubt that it wasn't a dolphin and he wondered what kind of fish it was. The tail was so very pretty.

Patiently, he watched for what felt like a lifetime until he spotted the tail curling slowly out of the water again. This time it was much closer and Harry couldn't help the feeling of excitement growing in his belly. He desperately wanted to see the pretty rainbow fish!

Peering over the edge as far as he dared, he couldn't help but to jump backwards in shock when the fish finally came to the surface about five feet away from him.  Because what Harry was looking at wasn't a fish at all. The bottom half looked every bit like one with it’s long rainbow colored tail, but the top half was...a boy.  Harry wasn't sure how this was even possible, but when he squeezed his eyes shut and then opened them again the boy fish was still there and he was smiling up at him now.

For a few moments Harry could do nothing but stare at him as he tried to figure out the proper thing to do. Finally, he decided to be brave and just asked flat out, "Are you a boy or a fish?"

The strange boy fish tilted his head to the side, looking back at Harry as he happily flicked his tail up and down in the water.  He never answered him, though.  Instead, he propelled himself up into the air, diving quickly back underneath the water, causing Harry to worry for a few seconds. Had he scared him away?  What if he didn't come back up?  Harry wanted to see him again!  He'd never seen a boy fish before and as you can imagine, he had a lot of questions.

Luckily he didn't have to worry for very long because the boy fish jumped back up and out of the water again not a moment later. He arched his body into a perfect bow and dove back underneath again only to repeat the same process over and over again. Harry was left staring after him in rapt fascination as he tried to decide how the boy was even possible.

His tail was so pretty. Harry had never seen a fish with so many colors before. The bottom of his tail was a turquoise blue and then it changed colors as it moved higher up his body. Individual scales ranging from iridescent pinks and purples to brilliant greens and corals and deeper shades of blue filled out the remainder as it trailed up to the boy's waist. Harry was pretty sure it contained every color from his deluxe crayon box back home. The boy's colors were beautiful as they shimmered underneath the setting sun.

Looking down at himself and his own ordinary blue swim trunks, he wished that he could be more colorful as well. He felt like a very plain boy in comparison to the boy fish. The boy was shiny and bright like a rainbow and Harry wished that he could shine like a rainbow too.  

While he considered his own disappointing lack of colors, he must have taken his eyes off of the boy for a moment because he was taken by surprise when he suddenly got splashed with a big spray of seawater. Shaking his hair out and spitting out a little water in disbelief, he looked back out towards the sea only to find the boy fish reclining back as he giggled at Harry's shocked expression.

He had such a lovely laugh that Harry couldn't help but to join him. "'M Harry," he offered his name to the boy. The boy fish didn't say anything back though, just continued to smile and giggle at Harry instead. Then he reached up to his hair which was light brown with sunlit blonde streaks and pulled at a piece of it. Pointing at Harry then, he nodded his head up and down.

"What's your name?" Harry asked him determined to learn more about him.

Still, the boy didn't speak. He merely smiled at Harry, his bright blue eyes squished up into half moons of happiness. Then he made the same motion with his hands in his hair again, pointing back at Harry.

What did he want?  It was difficult to understand the boy without words. Harry wondered if perhaps he couldn't speak English. Could it be he spoke Spanish instead? Harry had learned a little bit of Spanish in his class this year, but not enough to try it now. The boy kept motioning towards his hair while pointing wildly at Harry’s head so he lifted his own hand towards his hair and was rewarded by the boy's enthusiastic clapping.

Again, the other boy pulled his hair  and motioned towards Harry, pointing towards his head. Suddenly it occurred to him!  The boy must want Harry to pull a piece of own hair!  How bizarre!  He reached up tentatively to the top of his head and lightly pulled a piece of his own hair, but the other boy frowned at him in response, shaking his head back and forth. That clearly wasn't what he had meant and Harry felt frustrated that he'd gotten it wrong. Was he ever gonna understand this rainbow boy fish?  The boy pointed towards the bottom of his own hair deliberately and then pulled gently once more, nodding back towards Harry with encouragement.  

Oh!! Harry thought, maybe the boy wanted him to tug his hair from the bottom rather than the top?  When he reached his own hand towards the bottom of his hair instead, the other boy began clapping his hands happily.  Feeling thrilled that he might have finally understood him, Harry grabbed the bottom of one of his curls, gently pulled it and allowed it to spring back up.  

Immediately, he knew that he'd gotten it right because the rainbow boy fish squealed with delight as he joyfully clapped his hands together. Harry couldn't help but to laugh along with him, completely entranced by his happy beauty.  Reaching up, he grabbed at one of his curls again, determined to bring back the boy's happy laughter.

Harry was already closer to the edge of the diving deck than he should've ever dared when he began contemplating whether or not he could to get away with slipping into the water. He wanted to get closer to the pretty boy fish.  As the boy continued giggling and splashing his tail happily, Harry glanced behind himself to make sure that no one was there.  Just as he turned his head to make sure that the coast was clear, Ben walked around the corner.

"Oi!  Harry!  Where's your life jacket, mate?" Ben's eyebrows raised at him in accusation. He was looking at Harry as if he'd done something terribly wrong when Harry knew that it was Ben who had actually made a bigger mistake. He was the one who'd left Harry all alone in the first place. Frankly, Harry wished that Ben had forgotten to come back.  He'd been so close to sliding in the water to get closer to His special new friend.

Speaking of which, Harry spun back around to make sure that the boy was still there.  Sadly, nothing but calm water stood before him.  The sea appeared to be glowing red due to reflections from the setting sun and sat there perfectly calm, the pretty boy fish nowhere to be seen. Harry had no idea why tears suddenly sprung to his eyes. "Where'd he go?!" he exclaimed as he choked back the unexpected tears.

"Where'd who go, Harry?" Ben asked him slowly and cautiously.

"The boy. Well, he was a boy but also he was a fish. He was right there," Harry insisted, pointing out towards the water.

Ben's eyebrows raised up towards his hairline and Harry instinctively knew that he'd made a huge mistake. Of course Ben didn't believe him. Boys that were also fish weren't real.  Harry knew this, and yet he also knew what he'd seen.  And the boy fish had been very real.  Harry was even a little bit damp still from when he'd splashed him earlier.

"A boy...that is also a fish you say?  Harry, are you….are you trying to say that you saw a mermaid?!" Ben asked him in a slightly elevated and squeaky voice.

Instantly, Harry wished he could take his words back and keep them safely tucked inside.  He looked back towards Ben with a straight face, refusing to answer him.

"Seriously, Harry.  Are you telling me that you saw a mermaid?  Or should I say, merboy?  Is that what you think you saw out there?" Ben asked him as he nervously searched out towards the sea, finding nothing but still waters.

Ben turned back to look at Harry with his hands on his his hips and waited on a response that would never come.  Instead of answering him, Harry took a deep breath before meeting his glare and blinked his own eyes slowly.  "You know, Ben... My mum won't like it that you left me alone," Harry warned him while keeping his face clear of any emotion.  He really didn't wanna talk to Ben anymore.  He especially didn't wanna talk about the special encounter he'd had with a rainbow boy fish.  Not with Ben, anyway.  Harry could somehow tell that he wasn't a good person and he didn't want Ben knowing any of his secrets.  Especially not this one because this was quite simply the most amazing thing that had ever happened to him.

"Well, I have to go get ready for dinner now. Bye Ben," Harry stated nervously as he began to walk away.  He hoped that Ben would drop it and never mention this conversation to anyone again.

He could hear Ben murmuring to himself under his breath about 'crazy kid', 'merboy' and 'thank god he didn't fall into the ocean without his life jacket' as he walked away from him towards his own cabin.  Yeah. It was official. Harry didn't like Ben at all.

*****

The rest of the trip wasn’t nearly as much fun as those first few days had been.  Harry spent a large portion of his days peering over the top railing or sitting down below on the diving deck with either his mum or sister in tow.  They both assumed that he was watching for dolphins, but the truth was that he’d long since forgotten about them. Harry was really there to watch out for the pretty boy fish.  There were a few times that he could’ve sworn that he’d seen a flash of rainbow scales right below the surface of the water beside the boat, but every time he so much as blinked, they’d vanished.  He began to wonder whether he’d actually imagined the boy in his head all along just as Ben had implied.

His mum had outwardly begun to worry about him because he was so withdrawn. This was a huge deviation from his usual happy and silly self.  She couldn’t understand why he didn’t want to join them for games with the other passengers or other fun ship activities.  Gemma had taken to rolling her eyes at him regularly which he found very annoying.  He stuck out his tongue at her every chance he got since that was really his only means of retaliation.

One good thing did happen, though, and that was that Ben never mentioned anything to his mum or family about Harry spotting a merboy.  He supposed Ben was probably worried that Harry had tattled on him for leaving him alone in the first place.  Of course, Harry never would’ve done such a thing but Ben didn’t need to know that.  He was happy enough that he no longer needed to see him since Ben seemed to be avoiding them at all costs.  Good riddance.

On the second to last day of the trip, Harry’s mum and dad fell asleep on the upper deck by the pool late in the day while he and Gemma were running around playing.  When Harry realized, he thought that this might be his last chance to go back down to the diving deck on his own. Quickly and carefully he snuck away from Gemma as she was running around with some other kids that they'd met on the ship.  Hopefully she'd be distracted for a long time and not notice he was missing.

Slipping quietly onto the diving deck so not to alert his presence to any of the other passengers, he crept over to the edge and peered over it searching the deep blue waters hopefully.  After several long moments he was convinced that there was no chance of him spotting the rainbow boy fish again.  It must’ve been a fluke and he should consider himself lucky to have ever seen him in the first place.  Just as he was resigned to head back to the upper deck to join Gemma and the other kids, he caught a flicker of movement in the water below and blinked his eyes rapidly as a familiar rainbow tail splashed up out of the water.

His eyes hadn't deceived him, though; the boy was right there and he was every bit a beautiful as Harry remembered.  A wide smile was fixed upon the boy's lips and his eyes shined brightly as they reflected both the sun and the water, sparkling at him like glitter.  His eyes were the part that Harry had remembered the most clearly, second to his tail of course.  They were a brighter blue than the sea beneath him and carried a certain kind of happiness that Harry felt drawn to. He'd never felt drawn to anyone else quite like this before.  He wanted to drape himself in the boy's happiness like a blanket.

Harry leaned a little further over the edge, but the boy fish was quick to shake his head back and forth at him as if to tell him “no”.  With a single finger pressed up against his lips, he told Harry without words that he needed to also be quiet.  When Harry nodded that he understood and backed up a few inches, the boy smiled at him in approval and pointed towards his hair.

This time Harry understood exactly what he was asking so he promptly tugged at one of his curls, allowing it to spring back up.  He was rewarded with the boy’s happy laughter, but could only see it in his eyes as he was holding a hand up over his mouth to muffle the sound.  It didn’t matter that Harry couldn’t hear him.  The only thing that mattered to him was making the beautiful boy fish happy so he grabbed his hair again and again, tugging it lightly and allowing it to spring back.

He watched as the rainbow boy swam around in happy circles flicking his colorful tail in and out of the water, never once dropping the smile from his lips.  Harry tried again to scoot a little closer to the edge of the deck only to find the boy promptly stop swimming to shake his head “no” at him.  

Harry might've felt a touch aggravated if he wasn’t so entranced with the boy’s happy beauty.  It was tiring to be constantly told “no” and “wear your lifejacket” by everyone.  Of course, the rainbow boy couldn’t possibly know what a good swimmer Harry was so he's sure he didn't mean any harm.  Perhaps if he just lowered himself into the water, he could show him.  They could even go swimming together!  Harry imagined how much fun that would be and he wanted it so badly that it hurt.

Unfortunately, he never got the chance because before he could give it another thought, he heard his dad calling his name from a distance.  His ears perked immediately and he spun around to see if he was within sight yet.  Luckily he hadn't reached him yet, but he was getting closer by the second, the sound of his name growing louder and louder with his approach.

He could feel his heart rate as it began picking up speed. After what had happened the other day, Harry knew that the rainbow boy wouldn’t stick around if there were other people nearby who could see him.  Somehow without _knowing_ , Harry knew in his heart that he was the only person who was allowed to see this colorful boy. Panic started setting in because Harry wasn't ready to say goodbye to his special friend.  Quickly, he turned back to him just in time to see a flash of worry and a frown flit across the boy’s face.  It probably mirrored his own.

Before Harry could stop him, the boy waved goodbye and dove beneath the surface of the water.  A desperate cry ripped from his throat without his permission.  At the exact same time his dad reached him and in a blind panic, fastened a strong grip around his waist to prevent him from jumping down into the sea to swim after his rainbow friend.

“Harry!  What were you thinking, son?” his dad exclaimed, clearly distressed at having found his only son mere seconds away from going overboard.

Harry could do nothing but wail and he did so as uncontrollable sobs racked his body.  “I want him,” he cried to his father.  Over and over again, “I want him back.”  There are no words that could really explain how much he yearned for his special friend to come back.  He felt as if a part of him had been ripped away and it made no sense at all even to him.  After all, he’d only just met him and they’d never even spoken.  Still, he couldn’t shake the feeling that this wasn’t the way this was meant to happen. He was sure that he was supposed to somehow have the boy in his life and couldn’t help the overwhelming feeling of despair that he’d disappeared once again.

Harry barely registered his father speaking and asking him who he was talking about. He continued to shake uncontrollably through his tears.  When his father finally gave up and picked him up to carry him back to their cabin Harry slipped into what he would later discover was his first full blown panic attack.  He was finding it impossible to get air into his lungs and his vision was starting to blur around the edges.  The last thing he recalled was the sound of his mum crying as she repeatedly said, “I don’t understand Des.  Who’s he asking for?”  

And then everything went black.  He didn’t know how long he’d been out for when he came back to again, only that he was surrounded by his family and that they all had red rims around their eyes from crying.  Even Gemma looked upset.  Naturally, that made him feel badly, but not as bad as the empty feeling in his belly. It felt almost as if a part of him had gone missing.

No matter how hard they pressed him or how many questions they asked, Harry refused to answer. Instead he sat hugging his knees tightly into his body and rocking himself with his eyes focused on a distant brown spot on the floor.  His mum and Gemma took turns rubbing comforting circles on his back and humming quietly, but none of it helped.  None of it brought him back to the rainbow boy fish.  

It was clear that he wouldn't get to see his friend again since there was no chance his family would allow him anywhere near the diving deck again. Not when his father had watched him come so close to launching himself off the side in desperation.  The thought of not seeing the boy again made him curl into himself in even deeper despair.  Quietly, he cried to himself until finally he fell into a fitful sleep that carried him through their last night on the ship.

*****

As they disembarked from the ship the next day, his whole family did so with somber faces and tired slow movements.  One would never have guessed that they’d just come back from what most would call a luxury vacation.  They looked far from happy and relaxed.  Harry  glanced back towards the sea and thought for the briefest moment that he might’ve seen a flash of rainbow in the far distance.  He stopped in his tracks to stare at the point where he’d spotted the colors, but his eyes were met with nothing except the vast expanse of the blue sea.  

 **  
** Squeezing his eyes shut, he thought about his friend and his beautiful smile.  He pictured the way it had lit up his face with a light so bright that Harry had longed to touch it.  Had yearned to be closer to him somehow.  He could’ve sworn that he heard the distant sound of a dolphin’s cry drifting towards him on the shore where he stood, but when he opened his eyes, he once again saw nothing but the blue sea before him.  There were no dolphins or rainbow boy fish to be seen.  Taking a deep breath, he turned back around to follow his family back to the shuttle that was waiting to take them back to their car.  The car which would eventually take them back back to their home.  Far away from the sea and the beautiful boy.

 

*****

 

Notes: HUGE thanks to [Sam](http://harrystylesadidasaddict.tumblr.com/), my lovely beta and brit pick who spends a fair amount of time kicking my ass into gear so that I continue to write.  I will forever be grateful to you, Sam.  Thank you for being the very best cheerleader.  

 Come say hi on [tumblr](http://someonethatsfunny.tumblr.com/)!!  If you liked it and felt like sharing it, [here is a link](http://someonethatsfunny.tumblr.com/post/129346540635/i-know-all-your-colors-by-someonethatsfunny-chap) to the masterpost to reblog on tumblr.  Thanks again :D

 


	2. Chapter 2

_Harry was only seven when a special doctor that you go to “just to talk” explained to him as gently as possible that Rainbow wasn’t real.  He listened to her words and shook his head in agreement when it seemed like he was was supposed to, but Harry knew the truth...and the truth was that Rainbow was real._

__

Age 7

“It’s just to talk, sweetheart,” his mum had assured him.  “I’m worried about you is all,” she continued.  “With Daddy and I separating, I just want to make sure you’re really okay with everything.  That’s all this is, baby.”

 

Harry wasn’t stupid though.  He knew the real reason his mum was taking him to the talking doctor.  He’d overheard her crying in her room multiple times about ‘Rainbow’ and ‘my fault’ and ‘if we hadn’t taken that trip’.  Obviously she thought that something was wrong with him for believing in Rainbow and it was a bit heartbreaking to be honest.  Harry supposed it was hard  for her to understand given the fact that she hadn’t seen him with her own two eyes.  Had she seen his colorful tail, beautiful smile and the light that shined from within him, Harry felt sure she'd have understood.  It would've been clear to her why Harry couldn’t let the boy go.

 

That's the real reason they were on their way to see the special doctor now.  It was all because he couldn’t forget Rainbow.  He'd taken to calling him Rainbow because it was much easier to say than rainbow boy fish.  Also, it fit the boy perfectly.  It may have been only his tail that held all those pretty colors, but Harry had seen the boy shine with a smile that made his eyes crinkle into happy half-moons.  He refused to let the memory of him fade. He'd never forget the joy that lived inside of the boy, making him giggle, clap his hands and swim happy circles in front of him for something as silly as pulling his own hair.  The pull for Harry to be closer to him had been undeniable.  He couldn’t shake off the feeling that had taken over him at the time -how he’d known without a doubt that they’d been destined to know one another.

Age 5

When they first arrived back home after their trip, Harry took to drawing pictures.  He dug out the sketch pad he’d been given for his birthday and got straight to work. The pictures were always of the same thing; they were always of Rainbow.  Harry took special care coloring in his tail, making sure to use as many colors that he could from his crayon box.  Somehow, he could never get the picture quite right.  He couldn’t adequately capture Rainbow’s overall glow or the shimmer of his tail when he'd arched himself out of the water in his special performance that was intended just for Harry.

 

He drew so many pictures that eventually his mum asked him who the pretty merboy was and before he could stop the words from leaving his lips, he’d replied with a very simply, “That’s Rainbow.”

 

“Oh, I see.  Rainbow.  Yes.  Just like his tail.  He’s very pretty.  Did you see him on one of the programs on CBBC, sweetheart?” she’d asked him with a tinge of hopefulness in her voice.

 

Harry stopped coloring and put his crayon down so he could steal a proper look at his mum.  She was smiling back at him sweetly as she awaited his response.  He contemplated for a brief moment whether or not he could trust her and then decided that it had to be safe.  She was his mum, after all.  She was nothing like that awful boy Ben back on the ship.  Surely she would believe him?

 

Harry took a deep breath and then let the words fly.  “No mum.  Rainbow's my friend.  I saw him in the water when we were on the big ship.”

 

He smiled back up at his mum and watched her face carefully, searching her eyes for some kind of understanding.  Anything really.  She blinked rapidly before looking down at the floor towards her feet.  “You...saw him?” she asked him slowly.  His mum didn’t seem overly thrilled with this news, but she didn't seem as shocked as Ben so Harry thought that perhaps this would be okay after all.

 

“Yes mum.  I saw him.  He had a rainbow tail and he laughed real a lot, but he didn’t answer me when I asked him his name.  I don't think he speaks English.  You should see him do flips and dives in the water, though.  He’s a better swimmer than me, even.”  He aimed his happy smile at her, thrilled to finally have someone to share his special secret with.

 

She asked him a few more questions after that and Harry answered her enthusiastically, recalling the unique color of Rainbow's eyes and describing in detail how they crinkled into half-moons when he was happy.  Shortly after that his mum had left the room and returned a few minutes later with a plate of cookies and a glass of milk for him to enjoy. Then she'd ruffled his hair, kissed him on his forehead and reminded him how very much she loved him.  Of course Harry knew that already.  His mum was the nicest and prettiest of all his friends’ mums at school and he loved her very much a lot.  

That was the first night that Harry heard his mum cry and it was also the first time he blamed himself for her unhappiness. It happened not long after she had read him a story and tucked him into bed, reminding him in a soft whisper that she loved him to the moon and back.  She must have thought he’d fallen asleep already, but the truth was, he hadn’t. He’d been lying awake in bed thinking about Rainbow when he heard her quiet sobs.

“Relax, Anne.  It’s just an imaginary friend.  Lots of kids have them.  It’s completely normal,” he heard his dad reassuring her.

“You didn’t hear him, Des.  You don’t understand.  He really believes he saw a mermaid, or merboy.  God, I don’t even know.” she sounded so distressed.  “I read about this on the computer.  Most kids who have imaginary friends start seeing them at a younger age than Harry.  And they admit that they made them up, Des.  They admit that they’re not real.  That’s not what this is…” her voice trailed off and he heard her crying again before the soft click of his parents door being closed muffled the sound.

Harry was confused about the fact that his mum was crying about this.  He’d been so very sure that she understood him.  She hadn’t seemed all that upset earlier when he’d explained who Rainbow was.  Those cookies that she'd given earlier felt like a betrayal now, no longer sweet.  Harry felt really bad that his own mum didn’t believe him.  He’d been so sure that she would be the one person who might just do.  Rainbow _was_ real.  Harry knew he was!

In addition to being disappointed, he also felt really sad that he’d made his mum cry.  It hurt that she was crying about Rainbow when he'd finally thought that he had someone he could confide in.  Clearly he couldn’t talk about Rainbow to anyone if it made his own mum cry.  If she didn’t believe him then no one else would either.

Falling asleep proved difficult that night and when he’d finally drifted off into a restless sleep, still both confused and upset, Harry dreamt about Rainbow.  It was the beginning of many nights to follow in which Harry could clearly recall his dreams.  Every single one of them centered around the colorful boy.  

In these dreams, the two of them would swim off together in the sea smiling happily at one another as they pointed out various sea creatures including a small crab that nipped at Harry’s toes.  Well, he'd thought they were his toes the first time, but when he glanced down towards his feet, he was surprised to find that he had a tail of his very own!  His tail wasn’t nearly as pretty as Rainbow’s, but it made Harry inexplicably happy regardless.  He treasured each and every time he woke up only to remember that he’d dreamt about Rainbow once again.

Age 7

The doctor visit hadn't gone as badly as Harry expected it to. He had to admit so much even if he was still a bit put off at being dragged to see her in the first place. His mum had waited in the front room for him while the talking doctor had led him back to a private room and told him to have a seat on an overly-squishy chair.

The room seemed nice enough Harry supposed. It had big windows that faced out towards a park and was painted in a soft shade of green. Plants and flowers were scattered all around the room dotting multiple windowsills and shelves throughout.  The doctor’s desk itself looked as if it had been carved from one of the large trees outside her windows and that made Harry feel as if he was outside in the park himself.  Her leather sofa and chair were the only pieces of furniture that reminded him that he was, in fact, still indoors.

He spent those first few moments taking in his surroundings until the doctor's voice interrupted his thoughts and she asked him if he knew why he had come to talk to her that day.

"My mum says it's because she wants to make sure that my head is okay. Cuz my dad and her aren't gonna live together anymore." Harry answered her with a straight face revealing nothing more.

Her gentle laughter both irritated and pleased him. He was happy because she didn't seem to be a mean doctor, but he didn't think that what he'd said had been particularly funny.

"Well I can tell already that you're a fine young man, Harry. I'm quite certain that your mum knows this as well. But since you've brought it up, perhaps you'd like to share with me how you’re feeling about your mum and dad choosing to separate?"

She looked and sounded as if she genuinely cared.  And Harry wasn't quite sure how it had happened, but somehow he'd opened up and ended up sharing quite a bit with Dr. Sunshine.  Reluctantly, he admitted that he worried about whether it was actually his fault that his dad had decided to move out.  When she asked him why he would think so, he made sure not mention anything about Rainbow.  He didn’t want anyone else to know about him because even two years later, he still felt residual hurt from the fact that his own mum had chosen not to believe him.

He’d been extremely careful since that time not to bring Rainbow up in conversation to anyone else.  Of course, he hadn’t stopped coloring pictures of him.  He probably couldn’t have even if he’d wanted to.  The colors of his tail called to Harry and he felt compelled to get them on paper as often as he could.  In the two years since he’d met him, he’d filled two sketchbooks with colored pictures of Rainbow and stuffed each one under his bed like a hidden treasure that needed to be kept safe.

The looks that his mum and dad exchanged with one another whenever they saw him coloring Rainbow’s tail in again had not gone unnoticed by Harry. When he turned six years old, he asked for a cake with rainbow colored sprinkles for his birthday and his mum had accidentally dropped her mug on the floor.  Harry had watched as it shattered into multiple pieces on the ground.  She made the cake anyway, but Harry didn't even enjoy it, too caught up with worry about her reaction.

Harry knew that he wasn’t meant to see his parents’ secret worried glances, but he saw them anyway.  Any mention of rainbows always seemed to upset them and that made him feel very bad.  So he taught himself to hide his art away and learned to keep quiet about his special friend.  When Harry turned seven years old he asked for a plain vanilla cake with vanilla icing. His mum asked him if he wanted any special designs and he told her no. If he couldn't ask for a rainbow then he didn't want any colors at all.

Although he’d tamed things down at home, Harry refused to keep his love of rainbows completely private.  Colors were pretty and he didn’t much care if he was the only boy in his class who seemed to appreciate them.  So be it.  Everyone else was just missing out on pretty things as far as Harry was concerned.

So when the doctor asked him how he felt about his mum and dad living apart, he told her that it was fine and that he didn’t mind.  “I’m sure you must have some feelings about it, though, Harry.  After all, this is a pretty big change for your family.  I’m here to listen if you’d like to talk with me about it.  You should know that anything that you choose to tell me will remain just between us.”

Despite being only seven years old, Harry sensed that he needed to provide her some answers since she was watching him carefully for his reaction.  He was reluctant to admit that he felt somewhat responsible for his parents separation.  The truth was, his parents’ fights had started soon after their family trip on the big ship - i.e. after he’d met Rainbow.  Harry felt pretty sure that it wasn't a coincidence.   Perhaps though, Harry thought,  he could tell her that he felt guilty without telling her about his special friend.

He’d taken a deep breath in before sharing with her that his dad’s favorite sport had been footie and that he worried that he wasn’t any good at it.  He liked it okay enough, but it wasn’t his favorite thing to do like some of the other boys in his class. He worried that he might’ve disappointed his dad by being clumsy and not good enough at sports. They’d spent the rest of their time that day discussing that in detail.  He answered her questions about the things that he liked to do instead and towards the end of their session she explained to him that sometimes grownups grew apart and that it had nothing to do with him or his sister Gemma.  

It was nice to hear, he supposed, but it didn’t really fix anything.  Harry hadn’t given her the real reason he thought his parents separation might be his fault so obviously he couldn’t believe her when she assured him that he wasn’t to blame.  He hadn’t told her that two years back he’d met a beautiful merboy and that his parents had refused to believe him.  They hadn’t believed that mermaids were real and had therefore been unable to come to terms with his story.  Basically his parents thought something was wrong with him and that was hard enough for Harry to endure.  The last thing that he needed was for the talking doctor to agree with them about it.

He was too ashamed to tell her that he’d laid awake more than one night listening to his mum’s quiet cries or his parents continuous fights about whether or not Harry should go visit someone about 'his reluctance to let his imaginary friend go'.  'Seven year olds know the difference between real and make believe Des!' he’d heard his mum shout.  Warm tear tracks had streaked down his own cheeks at the sound of his mum’s words.  The bitter taste of salt ran into his mouth and he’d laid there awake and shaking all alone, confused as well as upset by his mum’s continued disbelief. It was a horrible feeling to realize that the person you believed in the most didn’t feel the same way about you.

“Stop overreacting, Anne!  He’s fine!” his dad had shouted back at her.  But Harry knew the truth.  His dad was just as worried about him as his mum.  He’d seen his dad cringe as he looked at the pictures that he colored.  It was a large part of the reason he started to keep his drawings underneath his bed.  Harry had no clue who they might be talking about when they spoke of him going to visit someone.  All that he knew was that he was scared.  He didn’t want to go visit anyone; he wanted to stay in his home with his family.  Additionally, although they may not believe him, he knew in his heart that Rainbow was real so he taught himself to bite his tongue and vowed never to share his secret with anyone ever again.

At the end of his appointment with Dr. Sunshine she told him how much she enjoyed meeting him and getting to speak with him.  Then she told him that she wanted him to come back again a week later to talk with her some more.  Harry was far from pleased to hear this since as far as he was concerned, he’d shared more than enough information with her already.  When he and his mum left the office hand in hand he explained to her why he didn’t want to go back.  

“I don’t wanna talk to her anymore, Mum,” he pleaded with her to understand.

“Darling, I really think that a few more talks will be good for you.  Would it make you feel any better to know that I’m going to talk to someone once a week as well?” she asked him.  Harry didn’t really find that helpful at all so he shrugged his shoulders in response which just served to make his mum laugh at him as she ruffled his hair.  Then she’d redeemed herself by declaring it the perfect day to get get an ice cream cone and ten minutes later he was happily enjoying his treat with all thoughts of Dr. Sunshine long gone from his mind.

*****

_At the age of eight Harry was generally a happy and outgoing boy who had a lot of friends, but sometimes thoughts creeped inside his head and he got a strong feeling that he didn’t belong.  He hadn’t forgotten about Rainbow and his dreams had continued to be an escape for him to spend some time with his special friend.  That alone was an isolating factor because Rainbow was someone that he’d taught himself needed to be kept private.  He was his beautiful colorful secret._

__

Age 8

While Harry enjoyed running around and playing sports with his friends sometimes, he also enjoyed more quiet things such as coloring his pictures or reading books about the sea.  It was those kinds of things that made him feel left out because his friends had no interest in those more quiet activities.  He loved learning about all the creatures in the sea and thought that one day, he’d very much like to go back again.  Maybe if he was lucky he could see the dolphins again or even swim with them like he’d read about in one of his books.

He didn’t want to admit that secretly, the real reason he wanted to go back was to see if he could find Rainbow again.  He hadn’t forgotten about the boy - far from really.   Rainbow continued to make occasional appearances in his dreams at night.  Each time, they’d head off on an adventure together, happily swimming along together in the sea.  And every morning when Harry awoke, he had an overwhelming feeling of sadness at the fact that it had been just a dream.  The dreams always felt so real to him.  Despite Rainbow’s continued presence during the nighttime, Harry knew that the chances of seeing him again were slim to none.

He’d had multiple appointments with Dr. Sunshine over the last year before she she’d finally informed his mum that Harry was perfectly fine and no longer needed to come visit her.  At one point Harry had told her a little about Rainbow, but he talked about him as his imaginary friend because that was what he’d heard his mom tell his dad was normal.  Harry knew in his heart that Rainbow was real, but he also knew that if he admitted this to Dr. Sunshine that she’d make him keep coming to talk to her so he told a little lie instead.   

By the time she deemed him free of her services his mum and dad were in the process of actually divorcing.  Both the doctor and his mum had explained to him multiple times over that their divorce had nothing at all to with him.  Harry didn’t fully believe them, but by this time, he’d become a pro at hiding his true feelings.  Harry had smiled back at them insisting that he knew this and they’d both believed him at his word.  They assumed he’d outgrown his imaginary friend and come to terms with his new family dynamic.

The truth was that Harry hadn’t forgotten Rainbow though.  He’d simply become very adept at concealing anything concerning him.  To be honest, he tried desperately not to think of him during the daytime hours.  He really did.  It turned out that it didn’t even make a difference.  Rainbow always came to him in his dreams regardless and he’d wake up recalling his beautiful colors all over again.

One morning after an especially vivid dream, he’d woken up in tears over the fact that it hadn’t been real.  During this particular dream, they’d been swimming along as usual side by side.  Rainbow was pointing out colorful plants and animals beneath the surface when suddenly he’d stopped and faced Harry with a bright smile upon his face.  Naturally Harry returned his smile and then the boy had surprised him by poking a finger into one of his dimples and breaking out into a fit of happy giggles.  

That had sent Harry into fits of giggles of his own and clusters of bubbles raced up towards the surface making them both laugh even harder.  Rainbow had then grabbed Harry’s hand into his own sending sparks of electricity up his arm from where they were connected.  Harry had experienced an overwhelming feeling of warmth, happiness and contentment like he’d never known before.   Although dreaming, he recalled cherishing this special moment with Rainbow and when he awoke, he felt as if someone had splashed a bucket full of cold water over him.

That morning, Gemma had studied him slightly longer than usual over breakfast with her brow furrowed deep in thought.  Harry was too tired to pay her much attention, but when they went back upstairs to ready themselves for school, Gemma had popped into his room with a special gift.  She searched his eyes for a second or two and he stared back curiously until finally she extended her arm towards him and opened her hand wide.  Nestled in her palm was her beloved Rainbow Dash My Little Pony; the one that Gemma had treasured the most a few years back.

Although she’d since outgrown the ponies, Harry recalled plenty of times shortly after their family trip when he’d watched her with it longingly from across the room.  Back then, Gemma hadn’t been particularly fond of sharing her coveted toys with Harry so he’d never even bothered asking.  Secretly though, he’d admired her Rainbow Dash because she was colorful just like his special friend had been.

When he realized that this was what Gemma was offering him, his head jerked up in response and he eyed her with unspoken questions in his eyes.  “I know you always liked her.” Gemma offered.  “Plus, I remember how much you love rainbows.  I know she’s not as pretty as your Rainbow that you used to color, but I thought that maybe you’d like to have her anyway.”

“Thank you, Gems.” Harry had choked out.  Perhaps his sister wasn’t as mean as he’d once thought her.  Things had changed with Harry’s family, though.  It was down to him, his mum, and Gems most of the time these days.  He didn’t see his dad as often now that they no longer lived together so the three of them had become like a team.  His mum had dubbed them The Three Musketeers and they’d grown closer than ever as a result of needing to rely on one another so much.

Harry was overwhelmed with her gift as silly as that might sound.  It felt surreal that she would give him something that had meant so much to her, but it was more than that really.  It was so much more.  Gemma had seen him.  She _knew_.  In a moment of weakness he looked down at his feet and murmured, “I miss him.”

“I know you do,” he heard her whisper back.  Immediately his head snapped back up.  Gemma’s eyes were shining back at him with a wetness that didn’t spill over.  “You...you cry for him in your sleep sometimes.”

“Gems…” he started.

“Don’t worry.  I won’t tell.  Come on now.  We’re gonna be late for school.  Hurry up, twerp.” she finished as she waltzed out of his room leaving him to stare at the rainbow pony in his hand.  

For some reason, Harry trusted his sister to keep his secret safe.  She hadn’t said anything so far and it had been years now so obviously she didn’t intend to.  Gently, he stroked his finger down Rainbow Dash's colorful mane and then quickly stashed her under his pillow and finished getting himself ready for school.

*****

_The first time that Harry suspected that he might be different from the boys in his class in more ways than one he was twelve years old.  It happened one Saturday morning when he woke up and found his boxers sticky and wet.  Of course, he’d been through the body talks at school so he knew he hadn’t wet the bed, but somehow he almost wished that had been the case instead.  Because here’s the thing - Harry knew exactly why it had happened.  He remembered his dream from the night before and he’d been dreaming about Rainbow._

 

Age 12

The funny thing was that he hadn’t dreamt about Rainbow in weeks.  He’d gone from having regular dreams about him once or twice a week to having them far less frequently; perhaps once or twice a month. At least those were the only dreams that he recalled.  He'd started to think that maybe his brain was finally ready to let Rainbow go.  After all, it had been seven years since he’d seen him and it seemed highly unlikely that he would ever see the boy again.  Surely he should’ve forgotten about him by now. Sometimes he even prayed to forget because being trapped in this neverending memory of him was a bit painful to be honest.  He’d prayed for it and had started to think that perhaps his prayers had been answered.  Apparently not.  

The problem was that each time he woke up only to remember a dream about him, he felt as if he’d been punched in the gut.  Why couldn’t he just forget him? Why was it so hard to just let him go he desperately wondered. Well, it didn't really matter.  Harry hadn’t forgotten and that Saturday morning, things had taken a drastic turn from which there was really no going back.

His dream had started out innocent enough.  The two of them had been swimming along side by side with their fingers intertwined.  That had been a thing for a while now.  In his dreams the two of them were often holding hands and Harry hadn’t thought much about it up until now.  It seemed one hundred percent natural to him for them to be connected somehow.  Even in a dream state Harry could feel how much he yearned for the other boy’s touch.  He needed to be closer to Rainbow somehow and always felt a rush of relief and satisfaction each time the boy linked their fingers together.  For some reason Harry always hesitated to take the initiative to grasp Rainbow’s hand into his own.  Thank goodness the boy hadn’t shared his own reluctance or he’d have woken up disappointed more often than not.

Although the dream had started out innocent, it transformed into something less so when they swam into some type of sea cave that was much darker than the waters they’d explored thus far.  Tiny slivers of sunshine were the only source of light shining in between small cracks in the rocks above.  The darkness made Harry feel a little anxious at first, but Rainbow had led them over to one of the lit-up spots to point out a cluster of starfish that were burrowing into the sand as a distraction.  Harry reached out his hand with the intent of touching one of them, fascinated at how much different they looked here versus when he’d seen them at the aquarium.  He couldn’t have been more than an inch away when he felt a sharp tug on his hand and immediately halted his movement.

He looked over at Rainbow and understood him instantly despite the fact that they’d never used words to communicate.  It was incredible, really, how they’d adapted so easily to their language barrier and carried on as if there were no barrier at all.  Rainbow was shaking his head back and forth at Harry.  The sea animals weren’t for Harry to touch. He was only ever supposedd to admire their beauty and he wasn’t allowed to touch them.  

Those were Rainbow’s unspoken rules and Harry knew this.  He felt his cheeks heat up with embarrassment over the fact that he’d been just about to break one of the rules.  Too ashamed to meet the other boy's eyes, he kept his eyes aimed at the starfish instead.  Rainbow wasn’t having any of that, though. He tugged Harry’s hand so hard that he winded up pulling him straight into his chest.   Immediately, Harry felt Rainbow’s arms wrap around him in a tight embrace hugging him securely.  This was something new, something they’d never done before, and Harry instantly loved it and craved more.  In fact, if it were up to him, Rainbow would never let him go.

They’d held hands with fingers tangled together before, but that was the furthest his dreams had ever gone.  This though.  This was something more.  Harry relished the feeling of being hugged tightly by his friend.  He knew instantly that this was Rainbow’s way of reassuring Harry that it was okay.  He knew that Harry hadn’t meant any harm and he wasn’t angry with him.  

Their chests pressed together in their embrace and the sensation of their skin being connected in this way felt amazing to Harry.  He could feel his own heartbeat picking up speed and wondered if Rainbow could feel it as well. With Harry’s heart pressed directly against Rainbow’s chest, it would've been next to impossible not to.  Harry’s belly felt warm and fluttery as if there were actual butterflies taking flight inside of him.

Just as Harry began melting further into his touch, the edges around Rainbow started to grow fuzzier as they always did right before Harry woke up. Harry could feel it coming, having grown somehow accustomed to knowing when it was time for him to leave. He fought hard to stay with Rainbow and not wake up, but the edges continued to blur. Digging his fingers into Rainbow's back, he tried desperately to hold on To no avail. Harry could feel a burning sensation in his shoulder as he awoke despite his best efforts to stay behind and realized that Rainbow had pressed his lips to his shoulder in the exact same spot. He was so focused on the lingering feeling of Rainbow's touch that he didn't realize the situation in his boxers right away.

Of course, it didn't take long given how uncomfortable of a situation it was. When it hit him properly what had occurred, he curled into himself for a moment ashamed that it had happened at all. Then he snuck out of bed quietly, listening carefully to see if anyone else might be awake. Once he was sure the coast was clear he grabbed his boxers and sheets and headed to their laundry room with them. There was no way he wanted his mum to find out about this so he started a load straight away.

Fortunately, he made it to there undetected.  Later, when his mum noticed he was running a load and asked him why, he made up a quick story about spilling his tea in his bed because he wasn’t ready to tell her what he’d discovered that morning (or what he’d been suspecting for a little while now).  

The thing was that Harry didn’t fancy any girls in his class.  To be fair, he didn’t fancy any boys yet either.  Well not unless you counted a certain merboy that he only ever saw in his dreams.  Clearly he wasn’t gonna go back to talking to her about Rainbow so he accepted the lecture about drinking tea in bed and filed away his new discovery as something to be shared at a later date.  

Perhaps he would even grow out of this he reasoned with himself.  After all, he might stop dreaming about Rainbow all together.  He could forget about him and move on. Maybe as he grew older, he’d start fancying girls.  He hadn’t fancied any real boys yet so there was no rush to tell his mum anything.  Not yet.

*****

 

_Harry was fifteen years old when he told his mum through a haze of nervous tears that he fancied boys.  As it turned out, he hadn’t grown out of his preferences as he’d hoped.  For once, it wasn’t Rainbow who was a catalyst to one of his discoveries, but that didn’t mean he was far from Harry’s mind.  Rainbow was never very far._

__

Age 15

One day after school it occurred to Harry that he’d been staring a touch too long at the boys on the footie pitch as they warmed up for practice.  The realization hit him like a brick and he felt as if all of the air had been punched out from his chest.  Breathing became next to impossible and he knew that he had to get the hell out of there immediately because he was on the brink of a massive panic attack.   

He’d had a handful of attacks since his first one on the ship and each time he felt as if he’d been hit by a truck afterwards.  They weren’t an easy thing to navigate and they were even harder to come down from.  Dr. Sunshine had taught him a few ways that he could regulate his breathing during an episode, but in the heat of the moment, he couldn’t recall a single one of them.   It usually took his mum or Gemma sitting with him, holding his hands, forcing eye contact and getting him to match his breathing to their own before he came down again.  In and out.  In and out.  Repeat.  

They weren’t there now, though.  This was the first time that he was experiencing an attack in a public place away from his family and he was petrified.  What if he couldn’t get back?  That thought alone made everything so much worse and he began wheezing as his eyes filled up, threatening to spill over.  Fortunately Gemma arrived at his school to pick him up before the uncontrollable shaking and tears began and she immediately recognized what was happening.  

Gemma’s hands shook unsteadily on the steering wheel of the car as she pulled over to the side, likely scared that it was up to her alone to bring Harry back down from his attack.  Despite her obvious fear, she somehow got him to slow his rapid breathing so that it more closely matched her own and then proceeded to break every speed limit in an effort to get them back to their house.  As they raced home, Harry could hear her speaking to someone on the phone, but he couldn’t make out the words. Her voice seemed far away, muffled by the sound of his own heartbeat.

When they finally made it back, she helped him to his room and got him settled into bed as best as she could before gently brushing his hair off his forehead and assuring him that she’d be back in few minutes with a cuppa. The moment she left his room Harry curled into a small ball in his bed and squeezed Rainbow Dash tightly in his fist as he shook through his tears.  

Everything felt so big and terrifying to him. He wanted it to all go away, to disappear.  Wished that he could somehow alter his fate so that he didn’t fancy boys.  He worried what he family would think when they heard.  His neighbors.  His friends.  It was both scary and overwhelming to think that people might hate him for preferring boys.  What if he wound up all alone simply because he hadn’t been born normal like everyone else?

Harry wasn’t stupid and he understood what he was up against.  He lived a small town in the countryside where everyone knew one another and people talked.  The thought of them talking about him, specifically, made him uneasy and frankly, terrified.  Despite the fact that he lived in the country, Harry was well aware of the world that existed outside of it.  He'd always been dedicated to learning as much as he could about it, watching the news and reading about important events and places online.  The world could be a very cruel place.  Not everyone agreed with or supported boys who liked other boys.  It felt so unfair to him because it wasn’t as if he'd chosen this for himself.  Far from.  If he’d had a choice, he would’ve picked the easier and more obvious path.  Not this road that felt both scary and isolating.

A little time passed by before he heard a light knock on his door followed by his mum poking her head in to check on him.  “Harry... Gemma called me at work, sweetheart.  I’m here now, baby.  Do you want to talk to me about it?” she asked him gently.  She let herself all the way into his room and headed straight towards his bed where she sat beside him so she could rub comforting circles on his back.

When the only response that she got was one of his hitched sobs, she changed tactics, “Okay honey.  It’s okay.  You don’t have to talk right now.  Just breathe.  Keep focusing on that for now.  In.  And out.” she let out an exaggerated long breath.

They didn’t talk for a while.  Focused instead on getting his breathing back under control.  Once they succeeded, his mum wiggled herself into bed with him so that she could spoon him just as she’d done when he was little.  He was taller than her now, but that didn’t matter.  He curled into her body forcing himself to be smaller.  They laid there together matching their breathing until finally Harry was so overcome with exhaustion that he began to fade to sleep.  Before he drifted off completely, he heard his mum’s soft whisper in his ear, “I’m right here sweetheart.  I’m going to love you no matter what.  I’m ready to listen when you’re ready to talk.”

*****

When he woke a while later he found himself alone in his bed with his mum sitting in an armchair by his window sipping on a hot cuppa.  She eyed him carefully before speaking, “You know you can talk to me, right?"  He nodded at her without speaking, not quite ready yet.  "Do you want to tell me what happened, Harry? ”  she kept her voice soft and slow.  Harry stared at Rainbow Dash, still clutched tightly in the palm of his hand, contemplating what he should tell her.

His mum had always seemed very accepting of all people.  He never really heard her gossip or speak poorly of others the way that some of his friends' mums sometimes did.  It was a scary thought, putting himself on the line this way, but deep in his heart, he truly felt that she would accept him regardless.  “You know I’m gonna love you no matter what you tell me, darling.  There’s not a single thing that you could possibly say to me that would change that,” his mum’s quiet voice reassured him.

He was terrified.  It was the scariest thing that Harry had ever done, but he took a deep breath in regardless, braced himself and then said the words.  “Mum?  I think I...well I know, actually, I know... I fancy... boys.” he breathed out the last bit in a whisper with fresh tears making their way down his cheeks again.

“Alright sweetheart.  There’s really nothing wrong with that,” his mum replied as she set her mug down on his desk and made her way back over to his bed again.  “Is that what this was about, then?”

He nodded his head yes and she repositioned herself so she could meet his eyes as she pressed on with additional questions.  “Well, what about it upset you exactly?  Is there a specific boy that you fancy?  Did something happen today at school with someone that made you upset?”

Harry lifted his head to meet her eyes, “No.  I just...I think it just finally hit me today.  I’ve kind of known for a while now, but I was hoping that maybe I could change….” he trailed off.

Harry’s mum paused for a minute and then with a deep sigh told him, “That’s not how these things work, honey.”  She looked at him seriously, imploring him to understand.  Harry nodded his head to show her that he did so she continued, “You know it doesn’t matter to me, right?  I love you for who your are.  Not for who you decide to love one day.  As long as they treat you well, I’m sure I’ll love them too.”

Fresh hot tears stung his eyes with those words and his mum grabbed him into a tight embrace, her own eyes leaking along with his.  “Were you afraid to tell me?” her voice cracked as she asked him with genuine concern.  

Nodding his head, Harry choked out the underlying truth of how he was feeling, “I don’t want to be like this, mum.  Why can’t I just be a normal boy?”

“You can’t change who you are, sweetheart, but that doesn’t mean that you have to put a label on yourself if you’re not ready or you don’t want to.  You are special, though.  You’ve always been and will always be my special boy.  ‘Normal’ isn’t necessarily better and who you care about doesn’t define you.  It’s just a small part of who you are.  And who you are is wonderful.” Harry sank further into her embrace, melting into the warm feeling of acceptance and love that she was offering.  He felt as if an enormous weight had been lifted from his body, but he also felt like he could sleep for two days straight, still exhausted from his earlier attack.  

He broke away from his mum to lay back down and being the amazing person she was, she curled back around him, seeming to understand that this was what Harry needed the most.  It was so comforting that before he knew it, his eyes had closed and he started to drift off to sleep once again.  Before he fell completely under though, he heard his mum’s whisper in his ear, “I love you and I’m so proud of you.”

That night he dreamt of Rainbow once again.

 

*****

 

Notes: Again a HUGE thank you to [Sam](http://harrystylesadidasaddict.tumblr.com/), my lovely beta and brit pick who spends a fair amount of time kicking my ass into gear so that I continue to write.  I will forever be grateful to you, Sam.  Thank you for being the very best cheerleader.  

 Come say hi on [tumblr](http://someonethatsfunny.tumblr.com/)!!  If you liked it and felt like sharing it, [here is a link](http://someonethatsfunny.tumblr.com/post/129346540635/i-know-all-your-colors-by-someonethatsfunny-chap) to the masterpost to reblog on tumblr.  Thanks again :D

 


	3. Chapter 3

_Harry was eighteen years old when he finally saw Rainbow again. It happened in the most unexpected place and was such a shock that to him that he could do nothing but stare at him with his mouth agape and his eyes popped wide open, unblinking.  Right away Harry’s head screamed at him to run straight over, to wrap his arms around him, hold on tight and never let him go.  Unfortunately, that would've proven a bit complicated.  Because sadly, what should've been a happy reunion between two long lost friends was tainted by the fact that Rainbow didn't seem to remember Harry at all._

Present Day/ Age 18

“I just have to change first and then I’ll be right out,” Harry shouted back towards his flat mate Niall.

“Oi!  What the hell for?  You're just gonna put on a different pair of black skinnies and a tee!” Niall hollered back at him.

While Niall was technically correct, that didn’t stop Harry from feeling a bit annoyed by his insinuation.  Was it really a big deal if Harry preferred to blend in?  The black uniform had started back when he’d first come out to his mum, actually.  What she said to him that day had really resonated with him.  At the time, Harry hadn’t been ready to share his realization with anyone else, too paranoid that people would draw conclusions about him based upon how he dressed or acted.  Up until then he’d dressed in bright colors or pastels and kept his hair a bit on the long shaggy side.  He’d never given it much consideration at the time because he was simply dressing how he liked, but it's possible that it was a subconscious decision as well.  There was a good chance that dressing that way reminded him of Rainbow and was just one of the many ways in which he attempted to channel his memory.

After coming to terms with how he identified, however, he felt anxious that people might pick up on the way he dressed or even on his mannerisms.  He worried that there would be a flashing neon sign above him spelling out the word ‘gay’ with an arrow pointing directly at him and he was far from okay with that.  In an effort to keep people from assuming the truth, he’d taken to dressing in all black, mainly black skinnies and tees as Niall had alluded to.  He felt protected in this uniform as if he was concealing his colors away, holding them tightly to himself until he was ready to unleash them.  

His hair was the one thing that he was unwilling to compromise on, though.  Though it may sound funny and a bit contrived, he felt like an ugly duckling with short hair.  Short hair left his eyes standing out more than they already did and drew unwanted attention to his face which he was slightly insecure about.  The bottom line was that short hair just felt wrong to him.  The decision to keep his hair as it was while at the same time beginning to dress more plain felt like a compromise to him.  Bright clothing was a sacrifice he was didn’t mind making so black skinnies it would be.

At first his mum had worried about his change in appearance and felt him out repeatedly to ensure that he wasn’t depressed, but once she realized that this was just a shield for him, she backed off and let him do his thing without prodding.  She was always good like that.  His mum supported him no matter what just as she had promised, never pushing him to do something he wasn’t ready for.  In fact, to that point, she had even kept his preferences to herself from his own dad when he explained to her that he wasn’t ready to share it with him just yet.  

It wasn’t that Harry was scared that his dad would hurt him or disown him or anything remotely like that.  He simply worried that he might disappoint him more than he’d already done through the years.  His father had had to accept the fact that his son was never going to be an athlete a few years back.  So to give him the news that his only son was gay….well it was more than Harry could reconcile at the time.  Harry’s fear was basically rooted in concern over whether his dad would still love him and was enough to keep him quiet on the topic for a considerable amount of time.

The way that Harry had eventually ended up telling his dad had surprised even Harry at the time.  He hadn’t given much thought to how the words would sound once he was finally ready to say them.  At the age of seventeen his dad had casually asked him if he fancied any girls from his class while they were having dinner one night.  Gemma, who he’d told the year prior, froze with her fork midair as she waited anxiously on his response.  Harry answered after a moment’s pause with, “No.”  Then he’d taken a deep breath in and said, “Dad, there’s something I should probably tell you.”

With Gemma’s hand squeezing his supportively underneath the table, Harry had moved forward with telling his dad that he was never going to fancy any girls...ever.  He’d felt his heartbeat pick up immediately after the words were out and forced himself to count to ten in his head, breathing in through his nose and exhaling slowly from his mouth.  All of his worrying ended up being for nothing, though when his dad responded with a simple, “I figured.  Was wondering when the hell you were ever gonna get around to telling me.”

Harry knew without a doubt that he should consider himself amongst the lucky and he did.  He was certain without a doubt that most people in the same position as he was did not have such an incredible and supportive family.  That was something that he never took for granted.  Every day he was grateful to have a mum, a dad, and a sister who loved and supported him no matter what.  Having their support had made his life much easier, but unfortunately, it didn’t make him any more confident coming out to his friends and peers.  

Taking that step was a frightening prospect because once it was out there, he couldn’t take those words back and everything would become that much more real.  Another part of the reason why was that he hadn’t met anyone whom he’d been interested enough in for that to even matter so keeping it private wasn’t as big of a hardship as it could’ve been.  The black getup was a safety blanket of sorts for him and he didn’t care one bit how much ribbing he took over it.

Well, technically, that wasn’t quite true because Niall had managed to annoy him a touch just a moment ago, but for the most part Harry really didn’t care.  Prior to Uni, his friends from home had even jokingly dubbed him ‘the boy in black’ as a bit of a takeoff from Johnny Cash and his 'man in black'. Their teasing had completely backfired on them because he’d actually not minded that nickname one bit, being a Johnny Cash fan.

So the nickname had stuck just like his black uniform and Harry had arrived to Plymouth Uni a week prior with his identity known only to his immediate family and his best friend back home.  He had told Jonny the summer before Uni began and he’d taken the news exactly as Harry had expected him to.  He’d simply smiled, clapped Harry on the back and handed him a beer, declaring him his permanent wing man for the rest of time.  Harry smiled on the outside as he rolled his eyes whilst internally breathing a big sigh of relief.  He wondered that night if every time he shared this part of himself with someone would feel this stressful and really hoped that wouldn’t be the case.

The thing was that Harry had made an important decision about his future.  He was determined to live life at Uni with no secrets meaning that he would no longer be hiding his preferences for boys.  It felt like the right time for him given the fact that he was starting over in a new place, far away from the prying eyes in his small hometown.  Harry had been hiding a lot throughout his life and he felt as if the time had come to stop keeping secrets.  Starting first with Rainbow and then moving onto his sexuality, it had been tiring for him to keep such important parts of himself buried away.  Of course, he still wasn’t planning to talk about Rainbow with anyone, but that was an entirely different story.

Now that Harry had been at Uni for a full week of orientation he had started to consider what exactly the best way to approach the subject was.  To date, he hadn’t told anyone new and the thought of just bringing it up out of nowhere made him feel a bit sick to be honest.  After all, he still wasn’t sure how people were going to react or if he would be accepted.  

Even though it had only been a week, Harry already felt fairly close to Niall, the two of them choosing to pair off for meals regularly amongst other things.  Niall would've been Harry's first choice to confide in at Uni since he seemed very open and carefree.  He didn't strike him as someone who would be judgemental at all and if he had to guess, he reckoned they'd probably maintain the friendship they'd forged regardless of who Harry fancied.  

He really had drawn a lucky straw when he landed Niall as one of his flatmates in the hall.  Immediately, he’d been drawn to his infectious loud and outgoing personality.  It seemed as if throughout the years Harry was consistently drawn to people who shined a little brighter, who smiled a little bit wider and who laughed a little bit more.  As always, it came back to Rainbow and Harry could admit, at least to himself that all of these qualities likely reminded him of the colorful boy he’d known long ago.

 

He probably would’ve told him already had the opportunity presented itself.  As it would happen, it hadn’t so the secret had been tucked away as just his own for the time being.  He figured it best to let it come out naturally, perhaps if he found himself attracted to anyone or possibly even in random conversation.  Time would tell.  He was resolved to tell Niall when the time was right, though. After all, he’d made himself a promise.  He was done with hiding.  No more.

Perhaps the time would even be tonight.  Who knows. Crazier things could happen.  It was the start of fresher’s week and the two of them along with a few of their other flatmates were headed out for the night to check out some of the local pubs.  It’s not like Harry was looking to meet someone necessarily, but he couldn’t deny having thought about it.  After all, he was an eighteen year old boy who was lacking in any and all sexual experience.  Moving past the intimate relationship he had with his own right hand was definitely on his bucket list of things to accomplish.

He’d obviously been limited to his choice of partner back home given the fact that he’d chosen to keep that part of himself private so he wasn’t really sure if he even had a type yet.  Part of the problem was and would always be that he’d spent so many years pining over Rainbow that he’d built up an unrealistic set of expectations for anyone else.  Harry had gotten a thrill from just holding his hand in his dreams or from watching him smile so how anyone else could possibly compare he had no idea. It felt as if he’d been wanting him and only him since the moment he understood what it felt like to want someone.

Considering how much time he spent dreaming of being a domesticated mermaid with the colorful boy, it was no surprise that when he thought of his first real kiss, or anything physical for that matter, being cheap or easy wasn’t really appealing to him.  Despite that, he kind of wanted to get it out of the way because worrying over whether he’d be any good at it or whether he’d even like it was very unsettling.  Needless to say, he was open to the idea of finally meeting someone even if the thought did cause him a certain degree of anxiety.

Convincing himself to simply relax and to take things as they came for the time being took him a few extra minutes which he knew Niall would not be pleased about.  He’d been practically bouncing on his feet out there, excited to check out the scene and no doubt ready for some cold pints.  Pulling on his black pea coat, Harry grabbed one of his beanies by his door and took a few deep breaths before heading back to the common area to meet Niall for their official first night out as first years.

*****

By the time they reached the third pub on their pub crawl, they were feeling pretty good.  The place was called The Junction and it had a great vibe that they picked up on as soon as they stepped foot inside.  It was a Monday night so they were hosting open mic night in a little while and as soon as Niall saw that sign he raved at the prospect of returning to give it a go himself.  Already, he’d taken to playing his guitar in the common area at their hall and anywhere else he could find a space where others could watch or sing along.  

Niall had picked out Harry’s voice during his first performance in their hall and coaxed him to come sit up front with him for the rest of the set.  Although at first he was a bit nervous, Harry had come to enjoy the impromptu singalong sessions, happy to have someone to perform with again.  Back home, he’d actually sang lead in a band and was quite into the indie music scene.  His skills on his own guitar were far from impressive, however.  Thankfully, Niall had already promised to help him out a bit with his playing which he was looking forward to.  

He’d never tell anyone, but Harry had actually written a few songs over the past few years and was hoping to polish them up a bit one day.  Music was yet another means for him to channel his feelings regarding persistent dreams about Rainbow.  At some point he’d eventually come to terms with the fact that his drawings weren’t gonna win him any art scholarships and yet he still craved an outlet for expression.  Music had been his answer.  

He’d hidden his music away in much the same way he had his art, determining it for the best that no one ever hear it.  The last thing he needed was a family intervention at the age of eighteen for being obsessed with a merboy he’d seen twice back when he was five years old.  He strongly suspected they’d put him in therapy for much longer than they had his first time if they learned the truth.  And the truth was that Harry had never forgotten him.

“I’ll get this round!” Niall hollered at their group as he made his way towards the bar.  Harry hoped he didn’t come back with Irish Car Bombs like he had at the last bar because chugging Guinness wasn’t as easy for him as it was for his Irish friend.  Those drinks were probably responsible for the fact that he was swaying a little towards his left currently.

“Harry!  Over here, mate!” Michael, one of his other flatmates, was flagging him over to a spot that had opened up near the stage. Somehow, he managed to make his way over to the rest of them without tripping over his own feet and he considered that a win. “Oi. You and Niall gonna perform together next time, then?” Michael asked him as the sounds of Blackbird played behind them.  The girl singing had a pretty voice and Harry wanted to give her his full attention, but he also didn’t want to be rude to his flatmate.

“‘M not sure,” Harry could feel his cheeks heating up. It was one thing for him to perform in small gatherings with Niall like they'd done in their hall, but it was quite a different prospect to do it in a place like The Junction.  For some reason being the lead singer in a garage band back home hadn’t scared him nearly as much as his flatmate's mere suggestion had just done and he wasn’t quite sure why.  “Think I might leave that to him, actually and just tag along for support.  Ya know?”

“Nah.  You have a good voice, mate.  You two sound really great together.  You should at least think about it.”  Michael assured him and then raised his eyebrows as he fixed his eyes on a spot directly behind Harry.  Looking over his shoulder, he watched as Michael rushed over to help Niall out.  He made it to him just in time to prevent him from spilling a full tray of drinks everywhere as he navigated his way through the crowd.  Somehow Niall was just as clumsy as Harry and that was just one of the many things that Harry appreciated about him.

A few moments later, drinks were being sloppily passed around and Harry was thanking the Gods above that Niall had opted for Carlsberg rather than the car bombs from earlier.  “Hey Ni, I was just telling Harry here that you two should come back to perform together.  He’s being shy, though so you might have to sweettalk him into it.” Michael clapped a hand on Niall’s shoulder as he shot an innocent smile in Harry’s direction.  Michael seemed like a decent guy for the most part Harry supposed.  He hadn’t gotten to know any of his flatmates nearly as well as Niall, but he was happy that they all seemed pretty friendly so far.  

“What say ya, Harry?  Ya gonna be my sidekick?” Niall offered him his glass to tap in agreement.

“Nah.  You don’t need me.  I’ll come watch, eh?”

“Bullocks!  I need your sexy raspy voice!  You can even take lead and I’ll be your sidekick if you're gonna be a stubborn mule!” Niall laughed.

They were interrupted when the girl who was singing finished up her set and thanked the crowd before asking everyone, “Stick around, yeah?  Tommo’s up next and he’s got a great set planned from what I heard.”  Harry had turned around to face the girl when she started talking so he watched as she winked at the crowd before taking a slight bow and bouncing off the stage.

“Huh.  I wonder who Tommo is?” Niall wondered out loud.  “Think they have regulars here?  Maybe I should work out how to get an open slot.  Ah.  Fuck it.  I’m gonna go ask the cute girl back at the bar.  Be back in five.” he hollered as he made his way back over to her.

Harry smiled after him for a second and then let his eyes roam around the inside of the bar, taking in his surroundings and people as well.  From the looks of the well worn walls and floors covered in permanent beer stains, he guessed this was probably a favorite amongst Uni students.  His eyes traveled to the bar once again where he spotted Niall with his head tilted in towards a pretty brunette who was smiling happily back at him.  Harry smiled to himself thinking that his friend might actually have the luck of the Irish on his side, pun intended.

“Oii! Oii!” a voice interrupted his thoughts, followed by someone tapping on the microphone.  “Is this thing on?  Alright.  There we go.  I’m Louis as some of you already know.”

“TOMMO!” a chorus of voices shouted back at him.

Harry turned around and faced the stage as the boy who’d just introduced himself as Louis raised his arms in a placating gesture and addressed the crowd again.  “Thank you, minions.  I missed you, too.  Hope you all had lovely holidays and got into loads of good trouble.”

Any words that followed after that were a complete loss to Harry as he stared in shock at the person standing up on stage.   _It’s not possible_ , he thought.  It wasn’t possible.  He was just a very convincing doppelganger because there was no way that what he was seeing right now was real.  Because Harry would swear on his life that the boy on stage, the one smiling happily at the crowd, getting ready to do his set was Rainbow.

His eyes were the same color, a bright crystal blue that sparkled underneath the stage lights shining at him. When he smiled at the crowd, his eyes crinkled up into half-moons and radiated pure happiness. _Oh God, his smile_. Harry had never forgotten how beautiful he was when he smiled or how much he'd desperately yearned to be closer to him. Hell, he'd had dreams about him for over a decade now. Of course he remembered his smile. Harry would have liked nothing more than to see it aimed in his direction daily, but never in his wildest dreams did he think it might actually happen.  It had seemed an impossibility.  I mean, he was a merboy for crying out loud.  Harry had come to the realization that he would be limited to only seeing him in his dreams a long time ago.

There was a good chance that  Harry wasn’t even breathing as he stood frozen to the spot taking in every bit of Rainbow that he could.  Or Louis, rather.  He supposed he had said his name was Louis, but Harry was still having trouble believing his own eyes let alone processing his new name.  Louis stood up on the small stage fiddling with the microphone stand in a pair of black skinnies not dissimilar to his own and a baseball tee with a rainbow shaka on it.  The irony of Rainbow standing before him in a rainbow shirt did not escape him.

Harry couldn’t stop his eyes from traveling the full length of Louis’ body to absorb how beautifully fit he was.  He was constructed out of sharp lines and soft curves; a perfect contradiction.  The curve of his waist was the first thing Harry's eyes were drawn to; flat abs and a slim waist to hips that flared out towards a perfectly round bum and a set of muscular thighs .  Harry could see the curves of his backside even whilst looking at him straight on.  The sharp cut of his jawline and the delicate bones in his wrists were just some of the counterpoints to his curves and Harry couldn’t stop himself from continuing to stare as he appreciated everything about his body.  Louis was absolutely breathtaking and completely mesmerizing.

Every cell in his body felt as if they’d been awakened from a deep sleep.  He was humming like an electrical wire wrapped on top of a tall fence. Not quite alive itself, but primed to come to life the moment that someone dared to touch it.  That was probably why he jumped in alarm when he felt someone lightly grab his elbow, watching  helplessly as the glass he was holding slipped between his fingers and crashed to the floor beneath him, shattering into hundreds of tiny pieces.

“The hell, Harry?” Niall shouted out in surprise and Harry felt his face flush as he realized that people all around them were staring in his direction as they tried to work out where the crash had come from.

“Sorry, Niall. Condensation?” he offered as a lame excuse.

“Right.  Condensation.  Sure.  Must be that.  Not that fit guy on stage that you can’t take your eyes off of.”

Harry ripped his eyes away from the stage to look at Niall properly, fear radiating off of him in waves.  He knew.  Niall had figured it out.  And Harry hadn’t even gotten the chance to tell him.

“Whoa.  Relax, mate.  I kind of figured it out a few days ago.  This was just confirmation.   That's literally all. And I don’t care.  Like not at all.  Zero percent.” he seemed to be watching Harry closely as he curled into himself slightly with anxiety.  “Listen...don’t move.  Just wait here a second, okay.  I’m gonna grab Sam to have someone come clean this mess up, okay?  I’ll be right back.” Niall assured him.

Harry had to remind himself to count his breathing.  In and out.  In and out.  Niall hadn’t seemed disgusted or even a little upset so everything would probably be okay.  It’s just that Harry hadn’t expected this, hadn’t realized how horribly transparent he was being or how easily someone might catch on.  Strangely enough, the thing that ended up calming him down, eventually bringing him out of his own head was the voice of an angel coming through the speakers. Harry looked up instantly as Louis began his set with [Fall For You](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FKi125iqnFg) by Secondhand Serenade.

Turning back fully towards the stage, he allowed Louis’ voice to wash over him.  The room had grown practically silent as the sound of his sharp, gravelly tenor cut through the air with undeniable emotion behind it.  Harry thought about the fact that he'd gone for thirteen years never knowing how unbelievably beautiful his voice would sound or how completely moved he would be once he finally heard it. He gave himself permission to shut out everything else around him so he could listen to this boy. All of the people around him faded away until the only thing that remained was the sound of an angel singing about falling for someone.  For the entire song Harry watched him without blinking while all he could think was 'Fall for me. Please.  Fall for me the way I fell for you so long ago'.

**  
  
  
**

*****

The rest of that night passed by in a blur and to be honest, Harry was shocked that he made it back to his room in one piece. Anything was possible in his current condition; a combination of very happily buzzed and one hundred percent  confused.  He had been so sure, not a shadow of a doubt that Louis was Rainbow. The "how" eluded him for the time being, of course, but that wasn't even what he was worried about. The question currently running through his mind wasn't _how_ this was possible, but rather _when_ he might be able to see him again.

As it turned out, Harry didn't have to wait very long at all.  The very next day him and Niall stopped at the student union to grab lunch between classes when he saw Louis again. Just before that happened, strangely enough, Niall had asked Harry about the night prior, "So what's the deal with Louis, mate?  Do you know him or something?"

And wasn't that the million dollar question?  Harry felt as if he knew him better than he knew most of his friends, as if all the time they'd spent together in his dreams had been real. But the truth of the matter was that he really hadn't known him at all. Not really.  That didn't mean he didn't want to now, because Harry wanted that more than he’d wanted anything in a very long time.  "He looks like someone I knew back when I was little. Thought it might've been him at first, but now I’m not so sure.”

“Are you sure that’s all it was?  Cuz mate, you were staring at him like you’d seen a ghost and you were a ghost hunter,” Niall insisted.

Harry couldn’t stop the blush from spreading across his cheeks as he considered his response.  Keeping his eyes focused down towards his lap, he thought about his choices.  The truth was that Niall wasn’t actually wrong.  Harry did want to catch Louis and Niall couldn’t have any idea how much likening him to a ghost felt accurate to him.  For so many years Rainbow had been just a memory to him, a beautiful character that appeared in his dreams at night.  The longing for him was real just like his desperate yearning to be closer to him, but their relationship never really had been.  

His consistent dreams had felt very ghostlike to him, always haunting him in the night and leaving him with a feeling of emptiness inside.  Suddenly, Harry felt closer than ever before to answers that had been plaguing him almost his entire life.

 

Louis was almost one hundred percent the Rainbow from his dreams.  He may be lacking a rainbow colored tail, possessing legs in it’s place somehow, but his smile and his eyes remained the same.  Sure, the crinkles may be a little deeper and the boy older, but the light behind them remained unchanged.  To this day, Harry had never met another person who shined so bright.  There was little to no doubt in Harry’s mind that this was the very same boy.  Although truthfully, he wasn’t a boy anymore; Louis was all grown up and a full man now.  Why had he never been able to forget him?  Why had he reappeared now thirteen years later?  Was this all just a coincidence?  Would Harry ever have answers to any of these questions?

Finally he looked back up at Niall to find that he was only half paying attention as he happily shoveled crisps in his mouth.  For some reason, it seemed like the right time to do this. “Can’t say I’d object to getting to know him if I’m being honest,” Harry admitted quietly. “He is quite fit.”

 

Niall looked up with a mouthful of food and then promptly started choking with his eyes blown wide open. For a brief moment he was horrified, wondering if he'd made a big mistake until he realized that he was actually reacting to something directly behind Harry.

 

Turning his head, he looked behind him to see what had caused Niall’s reaction and Harry practically swallowed his own tongue as he took note of the person standing there.  It was none other than Rainbow, aka Louis, and he was smiling straight at him.  Harry couldn’t even spare a worried thought at whether or not he’d overheard his embarrassing confession. He was far too busy being blown over by the mere sight of him up close.  His beauty was beyond unnerving so Harry really couldn’t be blamed for the fact that his heart started beating triple time. Nor was it his fault that he zoned out completely for an undetermined amount of time.  

His eyes...they were literally unreal.  Of course Harry already knew that they were blue and this absolutely shouldn’t have been a big deal, but it really was because they weren’t just your basic shade of blue.  Back in the day he’d spent countless time trying to draw them and only now did he understood why he’d never been able to properly capture them.  They weren’t simple blue at all.  They were crystal clear blue pools, bottomless, like a high grade diamond is when you look into it from the top.  But that wasn’t all.  There were swirls of green twisting around his pupils and bleeding slightly into the blue. And deep within the small parts of green were tiny flecks of gold that sparkled like stardust.  

Basically, looking into Louis’ eyes was like looking down at the earth from space and he was trapped in their beauty, unable to look away.  He blinked slowly a few times before he felt Niall kick his shin under the table.  The look he was shooting at him implied that Harry had lost the plot and that’s when Harry realized that he'd checked out momentarily. Louis had obviously spoken to him and that he hadn’t the slightest clue what he’d said.  

“Nice to meet you, Louis.  ‘M Niall.  This here’s Harry,” he said gesturing to Harry and trying to rescue him from embarrassment.

“Hi.  ‘M Harry,” Harry echoed stupidly, still at a loss of words.  He wanted to disappear under the table immediately afterwards.

Fortunately, Louis didn’t seem too phased because he let out a breathy giggle.  “Yeah.  Niall said.  Hi Harry.”  Harry wondered how many seconds he could hold his breath before he passed out.

“Oh wow!  Would you look at the time?” Niall stated in a blatant exaggerated manner.  “I gotta roll, mate.  Don’t wanna be late for Comp class.  Good luck in Cell Bio Harry.  Bye Louis.”  Harry knew that he ought to be grateful for this moment alone with Louis, but instead he was still contemplating crawling under the table to hide his flaming cheeks from this perfect boy.

“Cell Bio?” Louis asked him casually.

“Yeah.  ‘M a first year Marine Biology major.”

“Same.  Only I‘m second year.  Maybe I could give you some study pointers.”  Louis smiled at him and Harry could do nothing but smile stupidly in return.  “Are you ever gonna ask me to sit down, Harry?” Louis challenged him with a quirk of his eyebrow.

It seemed impossible that Harry’s face could grow any darker at this point and yet that’s exactly what was happening.  “Of course.  ‘M sorry.  Please,” he said motioning to the chair that Niall had just vacated which Louis happily pulled out in acceptance.

They just stared at each other for a few seconds before Louis finally broke the silence, "Do I know you?" Louis eyes twinkled across at him.

"I don't...I don’t think so, do you?" Harry replied, holding his breath. He was pleased that he’d been able to form actual words despite being a bit at a loss of what to say.

Because how was he supposed to really answer that question?  If you wanted to get technical about it, Louis didn't actually know him. Perhaps he was remembering him from last night in the crowd?  Because it seemed obvious that he didn't remember Harry from when they’d first met.  At least, he wasn’t giving any indication of such.  

 

Hell, Harry wasn’t even sure if Louis remembered _himself_ in his previous life.  It was crazy to think that Louis might not have known how brightly the colors of his tail used to shimmer.  Was he also unaware that he shined brighter than a full galaxy of stars in a clear night's sky? It made no sense that he was sitting here now, very much a human male. How had that happened when the boy he'd known long ago had a rainbow colored tail and lived in the sea? 

Nothing made any sense to be honest.  Everything that Harry had ever read about the sea (and that had been quite a lot) had told him explicitly under no uncertain terms that mermaids didn’t exist. Louis never should have existed and yet, despite the books, the simple truth was that he had. From what Harry could tell, it seemed as if Louis had forgotten all of the precious moments they’d shared whereas Harry had been saddled with his memories.  He'd never been able to escape. All these years later and Harry still held the memory of Rainbow sacred in his heart, only allowing himself to think about him in his dreams.

 

Now, like some kind of miracle he sat here with him, though. Only his name wasn't Rainbow; it was Louis.  For at least the hundredth time in the span of twenty-four hours Harry wondered how any of this was remotely possible.

 

"I feel like I do.” Louis answered him quietly.  “Your eyes seem so familiar to me. There's something about them that I can’t quite put my fingers on, but I feel like I know you somehow."

Harry wanted to tell him. It was on the tip of his tongue, but something akin to fear stopped him from forming the words.  If he said it out loud, Harry knew that he would risk everything. He could hear in his own mind how, ‘I met you when I was five and you were a merboy,’ would sound and it sounded outrageous even to him.  What if Louis thought Harry was crazy and he ran in the complete opposite direction from him?  It would be even more awful than the last time when Rainbow had waved goodbye and then dove beneath the water without Harry’s permission, leaving him bereft and crying out desperately for him to return.  

This time it would hurt a million times worse than when he was five because he would be the one responsible for scaring him away. The thought of Louis fleeing again was more than Harry could bare. It was truly a horrific thought and it made his decision easy.  Instead of telling Louis the truth, Harry caged those unspoken words against his lips, unwilling to set them free.  Because what he wanted, in fact, more than anything was a chance to know him again. _Stay._

Harry wanted him to stay, felt like he needed him to stay. So he bit his lip to hold back the words that he desperately wanted to say, too frightened to risk losing him again.  Scared to live his life without Louis in it for another day, he chose to remain silent and to keep his secret hidden away. Harry was determined to have Louis in his life somehow, even if it meant leaving the memory of Rainbow behind.

The pause in conversation must have gone on longer than Harry realized because he was brought back to the current when Louis began speaking again, “Then again...if I did know you, I feel like you'd be a hard one to forget so maybe not."

“‘M just a boy,” Harry said softly.  “Nothing special, really.”  Harry never had been good at receiving compliments and he wasn’t sure that’s even what this was anyway.

Louis laughed at him and his infectious happiness immediately brought out Harry’s own wide smile.  “With those dimples and curls?  I beg to differ, Harry.  I can tell that you're a very special one.  Impossible to forget, I'm sure."

"Is this...are you hitting on me?"

"Not yet, Curly, but I was thinking about it. Why?  Are you saying I have a chance?"

Blushing a deep shade of pink, Harry looked at his feet while continuing to bite his lip. Then he shyly nodded his head 'yes' and softly replied, "I'd probably give you a chance...if you were asking."

"Okay, well in that case, consider this me...asking."

"Okay, but you didn't say what you were asking for?"

"Oh I see. We're gonna play it like that then. Alright fine." Louis paused while a big smile pushed his eyes into half-moons again. No doubt, it was Harry's most favorite smile of Louis', the one where he could see the happiness as it touched his eyes. "Would you, Harry, like to accompany me, Louis, to the coffee shop where I will buy us tea, not coffee. Because coffee is nasty. Unless of course you like coffee, which shame on you if that's the case."  He paused for a second, frowning as though he was contemplating something unpleasant and then continued as Harry watched him expectantly. "Er...I suppose you could have coffee and I'd have tea...oh never mind. Do you want to join me in the coffee shop or not, Harold?"

"Yes." Harry replied simply with a soft smile dancing across his lips.

"Okay," Louis nodded at him and then stood up. He looked at Harry for a beat before offering him his hand. It was hard to push away all of his memories of the times Louis had offered him his hand in his dreams, but Harry forced himself to do so anyway. For now, all that Louis was offering him was a hand to stand up and a cuppa. And even if that’s all that it was for now, Harry would happily take it.

*****

Had it not been for his upcoming Cell Bio class, Harry could have sat in that coffee shop talking to Louis for hours.  They’d walked there slowly as they discussed how they’d both come to choose Marine Biology as a major.  “I’ve always been...drawn to the sea, I guess you could say,” Louis had told him.

Harry considered his words for a moment before pressing him, “Did you spend a lot of time by the sea when you were growing up?”  He held his breath as he awaited Louis’ answer.

“I suppose you could say that,” Louis started off even more slowly seeming a bit nervous, “I don’t remember much really, but I had an accident at sea when I was quite small.   No one knows how or why really.  Only that when I was about seven years old, a fishermen found me on the beach one day.  My mum says I had no clothes and no one ever reported me missing.  No one knows how long I was out there or where I came from.”  

Louis’ voice sounded much smaller than it had earlier and Harry’s heart felt as if it was gonna pound outside his chest any second now.  What did this mean?  This felt like a big piece to the puzzle of how Rainbow had come to be the Louis he was speaking with today, but still it wasn’t enough.  “What do you mean?  If you were only seven, surely your mum must’ve known you were missing?”

“Well, Jay isn’t my birth mum, actually.  She adopted me after they brought me into the hospital she worked at.  I was extremely lucky you know?  Didn’t speak any English at first and mum says I was just like Lottie on my legs during those early days.  Says she couldn’t let anyone else take me home because I was her sunshine.  Her special boy.”

He had a small smile on his lips from the memory so Harry pressed on even though he was finding it increasingly hard to breathe as Louis spoke.  “Lottie?” he asked him simply.

“My half sister.  I’ve got four now, but when Jay adopted me it was just me and Lotts and she was just a baby. Mum says she taught us how to walk and talk at the same time and that I was always Lott’s most favorite person.

“Wow,” was all Harry could choke out as his heart continued to race erratically.  Louis had come from the sea with no known background.  He’d come at about the same age Harry would’ve guessed him when they’d initially met.  Surely this couldn’t be a coincidence?  Of course this didn’t explain how or why Louis had changed from merboy to human, but then again, the whole situation sounded more like a fairytale than real life.  So it probably made sense that none of this actually made sense.  Still, Harry couldn’t help feeling a bit of a thrill since he felt closer to uncovering the mystery behind Rainbow than he ever had before.

“How about you?” Louis effectively changed the topic.  It seemed as if he felt a bit of anxiety discussing his personal situation and Harry could certainly understand why.

“Well my story’s a little less exciting,” he paused and looked sideways at Louis. “My parents took me on a trip on a big ship when I was little.  I saw dolphins...and other sea animals...and I guess I got a bit curious is all.  That’s it.  It kinda just happened really.”

“It kinda just happened…” Louis repeated slowly.  Harry looked at him and found that his stare was being returned.  There was something behind Louis’ eyes as well, but Harry was having a hard time reading it and his own nerves at the unspoken part of this conversation were possibly making him see things that weren’t there.  He couldn’t help but wonder if there was a slight possibility that Louis might remember more than he was letting on, but fear of losing this new connection with him stopped him from further inquiry.

*****

They’d reached the coffee shop shortly after that and settled inside both with hot mugs of teas, much to Louis’ delight.  The conversation had moved to much less sensitive topics such as their favorite footie clubs (Man U for Harry and Doncaster Rovers for Louis with Man U a close second) and the trials and tribulations of growing up with sisters and who’d had it worse between the two (Harry relented that Louis had due to the fact that he was unfairly outnumbered).  Harry learned that Louis had taken a gap year before beginning Uni. During that he'd gotten his scuba license and then his accreditation  as a scuba instructor for others.

When it was time to head back to campus, they walked together once again because as it turned out they had classes in buildings right beside one another.  On their way there, Louis encouraged Harry to sign up for lessons at the scuba site where he taught classes.  “Most of the Marine Bio majors get their certificate eventually.  Might as well get a jump start on it, yeah?”

Agreeing that it sounded like a good idea to him as well, Harry smiled softly at Louis as they continued to walk in comfortable silence the rest of the way.  They walked so close together that their hands lightly brushed against one another.  Just slight grazes, possibly accidental in nature, but that didn’t stop Harry from getting tiny electric jolts up his arm each time their skin connected.  He wondered if Louis felt it too.  He hadn't moved away from him or tried to stop it so Harry took that as a positive sign.

Once they reached the buildings where their classes were, Louis stopped and turned to face Harry taking one of his hands into his own gently, “I’ll look after you in diving class, Harry.  You have my word, I promise.’’   Briefly, the memory of a young Louis watching Harry as he sat on the edge of the diving deck came racing back to him.  Harry recalled how at the time, Louis had shaked his head ‘no’ at him, already looking after him before they’d even known one another’s names.  For some reason, that filled Harry with warmth and despite Louis saying it a lighthearted joking manner, Harry knew without question that he’d actually meant every word.  He really would look after Harry.  Somehow, without understanding anything else, this much he knew for sure.  

*****

 

Notes: Again, HUGE thanks to [Sam](http://harrystylesadidasaddict.tumblr.com/), my lovely beta and brit pick who spends a fair amount of time kicking my ass into gear so that I continue to write.  I will forever be grateful to you, Sam.  Thank you for being the very best cheerleader.  

 Come say hi on [tumblr](http://someonethatsfunny.tumblr.com/)!!  If you liked it and felt like sharing it, [here is a link](http://someonethatsfunny.tumblr.com/post/129346540635/i-know-all-your-colors-by-someonethatsfunny-chap) to the masterpost to reblog on tumblr.  Thanks again :D

 

 


	4. Chapter 4

_“I feel like a part of my soul has loved you since the beginning of everything._

_Maybe we’re from the same star.”_

_―_ [ **_Emery Allen_ ** ](https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/7467647.Emery_Allen)

 

 _It was one thing to know in his heart that Rainbow was real. It was quite another thing to_ **_know_ ** _._

 

A Month Later 

It was as easy as breathing. That's how perfect his relationship with Louis was. They never looked back after that first day at the coffee shop.  Neither one of them had bothered with the details.  They’d just simply let things happen and before long they _knew_.  Boyfriends.  That's what they were. Discussing it wasn't necessary because there was never any question or doubt and in no time at all it bloomed into something strong and beautiful.

 

Being with Louis was incredible in and of itself, but there were other remarkable things that happened as a result of their relationship as well.  For starters, the majority of Harry's  anxieties seemed to vanish overnight.  He no longer worried about telling people that he liked boys.  These days he walked around campus holding the hand of a beautiful boy and much to his surprise, no one seemed the slightest bit phased by it.  Of course there was always going to be that one nasty person who stared at them a little too long or narrowed their eyes in disapproval, but Harry learned not to let those people affect him.  He chose his own happiness instead.

 

Another thing that happened was that his confidence improved considerably.  The first time Harry reached for Louis’ hand, he felt as if butterflies were taking flight in his chest.  It was only two days after their coffee shop date.  Louis texted him that morning to ask him if he wanted to meet up for lunch at the student union which he’d immediately agreed to.  After they finished eating, Louis suggested that they head to that same coffee shop for a cuppa since they had over an hour before they each had class again.  And Harry agreed again because clearly he’d never waste an opportunity to spend more time with Louis.

 

It had only been two days since they officially met.  But Harry had waited thirteen years to see him again so no one could blame him for being a bit clingy.  As they walked with their bodies pressed close together, their fingers naturally brushed against one another a few times. Each time their skin made contact, tiny shivers and sparks shot straight up Harry’s arm.  After it happened a few times, Harry felt like he was going to actually ignite so he made a decision to do something about it. Nervously, he looped his pinky around Louis’ and then peered at him from the corner of his eye to see how he would react.

 

A small smile spread across Louis’ lips until his eyes crinkled at the corners and that gave Harry the courage to take the final step.  Slowly and carefully, he linked all of their fingers together.  Louis met Harry’s eyes with a happy smile and when Harry asked him if it was okay, Louis simply nodded his head with a soft, “Yeah.”

 

 _Yeah._  Who knew that a simple four letter word would make him feel like he could fly?  The butterflies transformed into tiny birds and he felt lighter than air, as if he was walking on a fluffy cloud.  Harry couldn’t believe that he’d finally been brave enough to take Louis’ hand when for all those times in his dreams, Louis had always been the one to take the lead.  Needless to say, he was ecstatic.  If the simple act of holding hands could get his heart racing this fast, Harry wondered what would happen if they took things a step further.  He imagined them pressing their lips softly together and God, he wanted that so badly.  And he was ninety-nine percent sure that they would.  It was only a matter of time, really.  

 

Shortly after the hand holding began, they introduced one another to their respective friends and Harry was relieved at how well everyone got along.  Well, to be fair, Niall could get along with anyone so that was actually not much of a surprise. Louis, on the other hand, shared an off campus flat with two lads named Liam and Zayn and Harry would openly admit that he’d been bricking it when he met them for the first time.  He was younger than both of them so he naturally worried that they might write him off as just a silly first year student.  Or worse, what if they tried to put him through some type of awful initiation?  He’d heard stories about first year initiations and it didn’t sound pretty.

 

When Louis finally did introduce them, though, his worries were settled immediately.  “Hey, mate.  Nice to meet you,” Liam said while extending his hand with a smile.  “You fancy a match?” he asked, offering him a PlayStation remote.

 

“Christ Leeyum, let the guy relax for a second, would ya?”  said the pretty one with sharp cheekbones and soft golden-brown eyes.  “How about a beer first, Harry?”  Zayn turned to him. He was easily one of the most beautiful people that Harry had ever laid eyes on and yet, that barely resonated with him at all.  With Louis in the room shining brighter than the sun, no one else could compare.  

 

“Yeah. Sure.  Both sound great, actually.  Thanks.” he smiled back at them, relieved.  “‘M not sure how good I am at Fifa though.”

 

“Bullocks, Harry.  Don’t put yourself down, love.  I watched you destroy Niall yesterday.  You can take Liam,” Louis assured him with a wink.  Liam let out a disgruntled huff behind him, but once again, it flew right over Harry’s head.  His heart was too busy skipping a beat because of Louis’ casual support.  

 

Once they had met one another’s friends things started to progress even more quickly.  The two of them spent as much time as possible together, basically attached at the hip.  In fact, most people began thinking and speaking about them as a package deal.  They were now HarryandLouis or LouisandHarry and both of them were one hundred percent okay with this.  

 

Being with Louis felt incredible.  It was like he could do anything he set his mind to.  Louis made him feel safe, happy and warm.  Most notably though, despite the fact that only a short amount of time had passed, he made Harry feel loved.  Harry wasn’t sure how it was even possible to feel this way so quickly.  But there was really no doubt about it.  Being with Louis felt a lot like what he imagined being in love might feel like.

 

*****

 

Thinking back to his first night of Fresher’s Week was almost comical . Harry recalled how nervous he’d been about his lack of experience, even questioning whether he’d enjoy himself his first time.  While he hadn’t technically had his first time yet, they’d come pretty close and put quite simply, there was nothing that Harry didn’t enjoy about being with Louis.  Literally, _nothing_.  In fact, he couldn’t seem to get enough of him.  He constantly needed to touch him or be connected to him in some way.  Fortunately, Louis shared Harry's tactile tendencies and need for physical contact.  He always had a hand on Harry’s hip and his fingers frequently carded through his hair, absentmindedly playing with his curls.  

 

Their flatmates routinely rolled their eyes at their overt tendencies, ordering them to get a room and honestly, Harry couldn't blame them.  There’s only so much they could expect the other lads to tolerate, so they'd naturally resorted to spending a good deal of time in one another’s rooms.  Frankly, that worked out perfectly because Harry grew even more needy when he was able to touch Louis’ body in private.  To be fair, it wasn’t really his fault because Louis’ body was the embodiment of sin itself.  Of course he‘d known this the very first time he saw him performing on stage at The Junction, but up close and personal was a completely different story.  He was breathtakingly beautiful.

 

Although things had started off innocently between them with casual hand holding as they walked from the coffee shop to campus, it had quickly escalated after they shared their first kiss. And that kiss...well, it may have been Harry’s first, but it had been amazing.  He wasn’t going to forget it anytime soon.  

 

_When they reached their respective buildings for class that day, they agreed to meet up again later that evening for dinner and a few beers.  Nothing too crazy because they both had early classes the next day, but at least for a little while so they could see one another again.  Neither one of them was eager to be separated for very long._

 

_They filled up on pizza and beer and were waiting on the waitress to bring them their check when Louis started giggling at Harry.  “What?” Harry asked him as he self-consciously looked down at himself. He sent up a silent prayer that he hadn’t gotten something on his shirt._

 

_“You have a little sauce…” Louis trailed off as he motioned towards Harry’s face, trying to hold back his laughter._

 

_Harry poked his tongue out the side of his mouth to try and lick off the stray sauce and that only made Louis laugh harder.  Clearly he didn’t get it so he poked his tongue out and tried a second time.  This time Louis dissolved into a puddle of giggles before leaning over the table. “Stop. Oh my God, Harry. Here. Lemme just...”  Before Harry could process what was happening, Louis’ face was a finger’s width in front of his own and he was licking the sauce off of his cheek.  Licking. Harry’s face. Right next to his mouth.  And that was really a lot...his lips were so close.  Right there.  Looking really soft and very pink and Harry couldn’t help himself.  A small whimper escaped from his lips._

 

_When Louis got all the sauce off and leaned back in his seat, Harry’s eyes remained fixated on his lips.  In addition to looking soft and pink, they were now also shiny and therefore, even more enticing than they were five seconds ago.  Harry wanted to launch himself across the table to press his own lips against them, but he was very cognizant of the fact that they were sitting in a Pizza Hut.  The family sitting right beside them probably wouldn’t appreciate it._

 

_Was it possible that Louis wanted the same thing?  Because when Harry glanced up to meet his eyes again, he noticed they they had darkened to a stormy shade of blue and he wasn’t laughing anymore.   “Let’s get outta here,” Louis stated quietly as he threw some notes down on the table. As they made their way out of the restaurant, Louis grabbed Harry’s hand into his own, reminding him of all the times he’d taken the lead in his dreams._

_For some reason, Harry started to panic a little.   Why hadn’t he been more bold and made the first move?  Because even though he was nervous, at least then Louis might’ve realized that this was uncharted territory for him.  Was Louis going to have unrealistic expectations of him now because he didn’t know?  Harry’s heart started to pick up speed as nerves about what might be coming next overtook him._

 

_He hated himself for wondering how many times Louis might have done this before.  It wasn’t that he cared necessarily, although the thought of Louis with anyone else did make his belly feel a bit sick.  It’s just that Harry was so inexperienced himself.  What if he was a disappointment and Louis didn’t want him anymore?  Fears about his own competency drove his heart rate to increase until his palms started sweating.  That was beyond embarrassing and awful so he yanked his hand from Louis’ grip and stopped in his tracks, wringing his hands out anxiously by his sides._

 

_Louis immediately stopped as well and turned to face him.  “Harry?” he questioned him gently.  It was clear that Harry was a bit of a mess.  He remained frozen On the spot, his eyes darting around frantically as he continued to clench and unclench his fists. “Harry, what’s wrong?  I don’t understand.  Everything was fine...”_

 

_‘I’m scared’ he wanted to say, but didn’t.  Instead, he remained silent, his fingers twitching with the desire to touch Louis again.  His feet felt restless, as if they needed to move.  To run.  Do something.  Anything.  ‘I want to kiss you but I don’t know what I’m doing’ he willed the words to come, but they only echoed in his head.  His heartbeat was steady and loud; so much so that it drowned out all of the other noises around them.  There were no people, cars or sounds of any kind.  All that remained were the two of them on a street corner standing underneath a lone streetlamp and watching one another as they breathed in and out._

 

_“Louis…,” his name fell from Harry's lips as only a soft breath of air.  He looked at Louis for a beat and could see that he was conflicted.  It seemed as though he wanted to reach back out for him, but was holding himself back.  He probably didn’t know what to make of Harry after he’d gone and yanked his hand away from him like he’d been burnt.  The look of uncertainty that flashed across Louis’ face was not something that Harry was proud of because he knew that he’d been the one responsible for putting it there.  So he braced himself to do something about it, to fix it.  Still nervous, he forced himself to take one step towards Louis, and then another until he was close enough that their toes were touching and he could feel Louis’ breath as it fanned lightly across his face._

 

_Leaning in the rest of the way, Harry pressed his forehead against Louis’ to ground himself before exposing how innocent he truly was. Louis’ lips were so close to his again.  Just a little bit closer and he could probably taste them.  Still, What if he was getting this all wrong and that he messed this all up?  “Louis…” he whispered, “Can I?  I’m sorry.  I want...if it’s okay? I really wanna kiss you.”  The words rushed out of his mouth so quickly that he almost didn’t hear them himself, the sound of his own heartbeat echoing loudly in his ears._

 

_His eyes squeezed closed instantly as a means of self-preservation so he missed his chance to see Louis’ reaction.  Rather, he felt a gentle hand card through his hair before Louis’ hand softly cupped his cheek.  And then it happened.  Their lips were pressed together and Harry was floating.  Everything else continued to be muted background noise. All that remained were the two of them on that street corner underneath an old streetlamp which flickered on and off above their heads as they kissed.  Warm breath, soft lips and the faint taste of pizza and beer took over all of Harry’s senses.  All that mattered was this and only this.  More.  He wanted more.  More Louis and more kissing._

 

_Their lips moved together as if that’s what they were meant to do until they eventually needed to break apart in order to catch their breath.  Harry leaned his forehead back against Louis’ and willed his heart rate and breathing to return to normal.  “Was that your first kiss?” Louis’ quiet voice broke their comfortable silence._

 

_Harry’s eyes popped open and he tilted his head back from Louis just slightly.  What did that mean?  Was he a bad kisser?  Oh god, please don’t let him be a bad kisser!  He searched Louis’ face trying to gage if there was an underlying meaning to his question first.  When he found him smiling back at him warmly and realized the question was sincere, he nodded his head.  “Um...yes?” he managed to squeak out._

 

_Louis’ eyes pushed up into half-moons and he rewarded Harry with the brightest smile.  “‘M not quite sure how that’s possible with you looking the way that you do.  Can’t say I’m not a little excited to be your first, though.  Not bad for a first timer, Curly.”  Harry could feel his cheeks heating up in embarrassment, but Louis was quick to pull him from his own head by grabbing his hand to start them moving forward again.  “Well come on, Harry. Let's go.  We have to go get you your second and third kiss then.”  Harry was pretty sure that his dimples were showing as they made their way back to his room with their fingers linked together._

 

*****

 

It sounds so cliche, but that was truly how easy it had been for them.  They’d done exactly as Louis had suggested that night which is to say that they had gone back to Harry’s room and ‘practiced’ until both of their lips were swollen and raw.  After Louis whispered reassurances in his ear that their kisses were the best he’d ever had he pulled him into a tight hug and headed back to his own place since they each had early classes the next morning. Harry had fallen to sleep that night happier and lighter than he had in a very long time.

 

From there, things had progressed quickly both emotionally and physically between the two of them.  Emotionally, Harry really couldn’t have asked for anything more from a friend or a boyfriend.  Louis was an incredible person in general, always a happy bundle of energy and so much fun to be around that often times Harry found himself gazing at him in pure amazement.  He wasn’t quite sure what he’d done in life to deserve such a kind and good boyfriend, but he knew without a doubt that he would never take Louis for granted.  

 

Both of them were eager to spend as much time together as possible.  Between classes, evenings, and weekends and basically whenever time allowed for it, they were together.  It had gotten to the point where they finished one another’s sentences which their friends were one hundred percent disgusted by.  “Gross,” Niall had gagged one night. “Next thing you know, you’re gonna be telling people he’s your lobster.”  Harry had giggled a little at the Friends reference, but when he looked over at Louis he found him looking back at him with a slight blush on his cheeks and a soft smile.

 

The physical part was a bit more complicated. Everything with Louis had been amazing so far, exceeding any dream he’d ever had.   His nerves had subsided as the two of them took their time exploring one another, familiarity alleviating previous concerns.  So for the most part things were great, but to be honest, Harry was a tiny bit frustrated as well.  The problem was that Louis had insisted upon taking things slowly, knowing that he was Harry’s first.  And that was thoughtful.  Really it was.  But it might’ve been a little too slow.  Maybe.

 

Although he’d hated hearing about it, he knew that Louis had been with a few people before him.  Louis had assured him that none of them had ever meant anything to him, but that didn’t stop Harry from feeling a bit insecure about his own lack of experience.  Nor did it stop him from feeling jealous of anyone who had ever touched Louis before.  Since he’d grown more confident with their physical relationship, he mostly felt as if he was missing out on something important.

 

Being an eighteen year old at Uni and a virgin made Harry feel like he was forever the odd man out.  It felt as if people were somehow looking at him differently, as if they could somehow tell.  Of course that was a bit ridiculous because there’s no way anyone could possibly know. That didn’t stop him from feeling a certain way about it.   It shouldn’t have really mattered, but for some reason it did and Harry hated it.  And now that he actually had a boyfriend and still remained a technical virgin it was worse.  

 

Frankly, Louis looking the way that he did didn’t help matters whatsoever.  Simple everyday things left Harry breathless and wanting more.  Take for example the way he walked.  His hips shifted slowly from side to side in a captivating dance.  Shakira had nothing on the way his boy moved.  Louis’ body was designed to lure people in, much the same way his rainbow colored tail had done so many years ago.  

 

Harry had even briefly considered whether the myth of mermaids being sirens was really true because there was no doubt that he’d been under Louis’ spell for most of his life now.  It wasn’t fair that his walk alone left Harry in a painful state. Without fail, it drew Harry’s attention to what could arguably be considered one of his best assets. Of course, that wasn’t the only reason that Harry found himself lost in a trance so often, but it certainly played a part.  

 

The truth was that Louis’ entire body demanded attention.  His sun-kissed skin glowed despite the persistent overcast weather.  Perfectly toned arm and leg muscles hinted towards a hidden strength and the contrast between his hard lines merging into soft curves was intoxicating. Every single one of Louis’ movements was fluid and athletic, much like a ballet dancer floating or gliding effortlessly across the stage.  On multiple occasions, Harry had nearly tripped over his own two feet walking behind him because his eyes had been glued to the curves of Louis’ backside.  Sometimes it felt like Louis’ body was taunting him.

Other times, it was Louis’ own deliberate, suggestive and flirty nature that tortured him.  The subtle way that he peered at Harry from underneath his lashes resulted in Harry walking around campus with a semi on more than one occasion.  To be fair, he was an eighteen year old boy so hormones played a part as well.  Still.  His boyfriend was gorgeous and this was getting a bit ridiculous.  While they had explored each other’s bodies fairly extensively, they had yet to take the final step and Harry felt as if they’d waited long enough.  At times it was all he could think about.

 

One night, as they were lying in Harry's bed with their legs tangled together and Louis’ fingers trailing lightly along his bare hip, Harry got brave enough to finally say something about it.  “Lou? Can I...I need to ask you a question?”

 

“Why so serious, Curly?” Louis asked him as he leaned in to press a kiss to Harry’s neck at the place where it met his shoulder.  In the time that they’d been together, he’d already learned many of his sweet spots.  Harry was ready for to him to learn them all.

 

Tilting his head to the side to allow Louis easier access, he keened softly and abandoned his inquisition. “I want you, Lou,” he moaned quietly.

 

He could feel when Louis smiled into his neck. “You already have me, babe.” Sharp teeth were nipping at the same spot now and Harry was going out of his mind.

 

“No. You don't understand. I _want_ you, Lou.” Harry rocked his hips into Louis so there would be no question what he was asking for.

 

Louis groaned low in his throat and then rasped out a response. “Fuck, Harry. I want you too. But we don't have anything here.”

 

Harry wanted to punch himself for being so stupid. Why the hell hadn't he bought lube yet?  There had to be another solution. “Can't you use my lotion?”  Harry whined pitifully.  His body wanted this and he seriously didn't care. Desperate times. Lotion had worked perfectly fine for his hands. Surely they could make it work now?  He rocked himself into Louis once more and wanted to cry when Louis held him back firmly with two hands on his waist.

 

“No, Harry. Stop that.”

 

 _No no no!_  Louis wasn't supposed to stop him!  Harry tried once more to move his hips, but Louis proved to be stronger than he looked. Maybe Harry _was_ actually crying because this was all wrong. Why was Louis telling him no?  This wasn't how he envisioned tonight panning out. He’d been consumed with thoughts of Louis moving inside of him.  Confusion and desire blurred his vision and possibly some disappointed tears as well.  He wanted Louis so badly and he really thought that he'd wanted the same.  Had he misread everything?

 

“Hazza, stop.  We’re not shagging without lube.”  The words were firm.  No room for arguing.

 

Rejected, Harry's body slumped back to the mattress.  Louis was quick to straddle his hips, though, not allowing him time to sulk. Leaning forward, he pressed their lips together with the perfect amount of pressure and kissed Harry until he was dizzy again.

 

“It'll happen, baby. Soon...I promise.  I want you too.  So much.”  Louis kissed his neck again before sliding his body down along Harry's until his lips reached the soft skin on the inside of his thighs.  There, they latched on, sucking a mark that would surely remain there the next day.  A reminder of promises made.  Harry wanted to argue or possibly even beg, but the next thing he knew, Louis’ lips were wrapped around him and suddenly words were no longer important.

 

*****

_Two souls are sometimes created together and in love before they are born._

**_-F. Scott Fitzgerald_ **

 

Were they soulmates?  Harry had thought about this a lot and was nearly convinced that they very well might be.  In the span of one short month Louis had managed to weave himself into every part of Harry's life suggesting a permanence that not even he was prepared for.  Simply put, Louis was his favorite person.  He was his sunshine warmth on a cold day, his safety and his happiness.  Louis was Harry's home.

 

They shared almost everything.  If you were to ask Harry what Louis’ favorite meal was or how he took his tea he could tell you. Fajitas and milk, no sugar.  He knew that Louis preferred the left side of the bed and that no matter how they fell asleep that Harry would always wake up cradled in his arms with his back pressed flush to Louis’ front.  He even discovered that their breathing sometimes synced up to one another without trying.  It just kinda happened.

 

Having said that, there were still a few things that Harry wished they could speak more openly about.  They weren’t minor things either.  And they were the only obstacles that stood in the way of them having what he would consider an unbreakable bond.  

 

There was one very specific issue that kept Harry awake at night more than he cared to admit.  One not so minor detail that could potentially ruin all of the magic that they’d experienced thus far.  Harry was scared to tell Louis that he’d known him first as Rainbow  Petrified more like.  What if Louis didn’t remember?  Would he think Harry crazy and choose to end their relationship?  The mere thought was unbearable.  And it’s what made him decide to keep a secret again.

 

They had somewhat of an unspoken agreement.  They never discussed Louis’ life before Jay and Mark adopted him.  Of course, they’d spoken plenty about their lives back at home with their families prior to Uni.  So much so that Harry felt as if he knew Louis’ sisters already. If prompted, he’s pretty sure that Louis would say the same about Gemma.  Actually, it was almost uncanny how similar Louis’ sense of humor was to his sister’s.  Harry suspected that the two of them were going to get along famously when they finally met.   Because he was certain that they were going to meet soon.  There was no doubt about it really.  It was only just a matter of time.  

 

So their relationship was really good.  Great, in fact.  And maybe the fact that they hadn’t acknowledged or discussed Louis’ life as a merboy shouldn’t bother Harry.  Maybe it shouldn’t, but it did.  To be honest, it was eating away at him.  Perhaps it was because Harry felt as if he was keeping a secret from him.  In a roundabout way, he reckoned he actually was.  

 

Except what if he wasn't?  What if Louis had known all along?  The word ‘soulmates’ was a whisper breath away from Harry's lips most days.  It was hard for him to dismiss the fact that they'd met under the strangest set of circumstances and then been reunited in another reality altogether. One where Louis had legs instead of a rainbow tail and spoke perfect English.  Maybe the universe was trying to tell him something.  Who was Harry to question fate?

 

There had been that one time where he’d wondered if perhaps Louis remembered more than he was letting on.  He could’ve sworn he’d seen something in his eyes, but in a flash, it had disappeared leaving Harry to question himself once again.  In an act of self-preservation, he’d locked it away just as he’d locked secrets away so many times before this.  Somehow, this time it hurt worse than all the others.

 

Their unspoken secret came to be his deepest regret.  Harry felt as if he could never truly be himself while maintaining his silence regarding their past.  The secrets bound to him like a fence around his heart.  Not a solid fence which held everything back, but rather a split rail fence designed with the intention to establish boundaries while at the same time allowing people to see inside.  He would give everything that he possibly could to Louis, but as long as the past remained a taboo topic of discussion, he could never truly give one hundred percent of himself.  Perhaps it wasn’t surprising that Louis was holding back a part of himself as well; the most intimate part.

 

The problem with keeping secrets is that they almost always get out.  And unfortunately, Harry’s secret was no exception to this cardinal rule.

 

*****

 

_For all of the times that it had happened before, it had been both upsetting and scary for Harry.  Nothing, though, could compare to this time.  Nothing had ever scared him quite like this._

 

It happened in the most unexpected of places, but perhaps he should have been expecting it there all along.  Because when it came right down to it, the water is where their story truly began.

 

At Louis’ suggestion, Harry had been taking Saturday afternoon scuba classes for the past few weeks working towards his certification.  Being a Marine Bio major, it made perfect sense that he would earn it now so that he would be prepared to spend time out at sea doing research in his field.  Plus, it allowed him to spend more time with Louis and that was always a good thing.  And did he mention that Louis was wearing a wetsuit?  That alone could’ve sold the class to Harry.  

 

So far, he’d been enjoying his sessions.  Louis had stood by his promise to look after him during class devoting special attention to him in favor of his classmates.  Only to ensure that he had the very best experience, of course.  Not because he was every bit as whipped as Harry was.  

 

Perhaps it was a bit premature, but Harry already found himself looking forward to the summertime when him and Louis would be able to go diving together in the sea because the waters were a bit warmer.  For the time being they were doing their dives in an indoor swimming pool which was (thankfully) heated.

 

They’d already taken several practice dives so this one should’ve been routine and easy.  Harry never worried about the dives because just like when he was younger, being in the water felt comfortable to him. There was nothing scary about it, no cause for concern.

 

Everything went downhill quickly, though, when Harry forgot the most important rule of scuba diving: _never hold your breath._ Easier said than done when your scuba partner happens to be Louis Tomlinson.

 

They had descended to the bottom of the deep end of the pool with no issues when Harry looked to his side to find Louis smiling back at him through his face mask with crinkled eyes.  God, he was just so beautiful that it left him breathless.  Being underwater with him was dangerously close to all of the dreams he’d had of them through the years.  Switch out their scuba gear for tails and they’d be right back in Harry’s dreams - swimming along happily on one of their adventures, fingers intertwined and matching smiles upon their lips.  

 

And just. You can’t think about things like that. Not when you’re scuba diving and meant to be focusing.  Harry didn't do it on purpose. He simply got lost in old memories and forgot to breathe for a few seconds.  And that was all that it took. Louis always had been able to steal his breath.  It was just unfortunate that this time it happened while they were thirteen feet under.

 

Because rules are rules for a reason. _One should never hold their breath whilst scuba diving._ The problem with doing so is that it can be hard to find your rhythm again and fear escalates quickly.  And so, before Harry could process what was happening, he was hyperventilating underwater with sheer panic setting in quickly. Bubbles were rushing up to the surface in a fury and one look at Louis’ now wide opened eyes told him that this was bad.  A more experienced diver could probably regulate their breathing and continue on with their dive.  But Harry wasn’t an experienced diver.  And once he started hyperventilating, it was practically a given that it would spiral into a full blown panic attack.  Today was no different.

 

Finding your breath in the midst of a panic attack is a challenge in and of itself.  Finding your breath mid panic attack whilst underwater and weighed down with heavy scuba gear was an entirely different story.  It was damn near impossible.  So it wasn’t surprising that Harry found himself in trouble.  Bubbles surged furiously around them whilst Louis grabbed his arm trying desperately to motion him up to the surface.  All Harry could do was whip his head around in confusion, his arms and legs flailing in an uncoordinated dance.  Without thinking, he ripped his face mask off and instantly swallowed a mouthful of heavily chlorinated water as he tried but failed to get a proper breath of air.  That only served to make things worse and resulted in him inhaling yet another mouthful.

 

Somehow Louis was able to push Harry up to the surface before he swallowed the whole pool.  He could breathe again, but only partially.  Coughing out the water he’d inhaled below and struggling to regulate the hyperventilating was better than drowning, but still far from ideal.

 

Getting him out of the pool and onto the deck proved to be a bit more challenging for Louis, though.  Harry was basically dead weight so Louis had to rely on two other instructors who jumped in to assist him.  Harry could feel his eyes completely blown out in fright when they finally got him on deck and was aware of the tear tracks that stained his cheeks.  The sheer terror of what had just happened only fueled the attack further, making the situation worse.  He continued to hyperventilate, far too distressed to get his breathing under control.

 

Louis positioned him so that he was lying on his side on the pool deck.  That way he would be able to cough up any remaining water without choking.  Without needing to be asked, he remained beside him rubbing comforting circles along his back in an attempt to calm him down.  Harry forced himself to tune out Louis as well as all of the other people who were lurking in the background, watching him as he suffered through long moments of embarrassing weakness.  There was no doubt that he was making a proper spectacle of himself, but not even that knowledge could push him to gain control.  Instead, he did what he had always done which was to curl in on himself, hugging his knees to his chest and tucking his face down as well.  It was his attempt at protecting himself from the people around him as well as the thoughts that had landed him here in the first place.

 

“Harry,” Louis spoke tentatively in a very quiet voice, clearly worried that he might upset him further.  “Harry...this happens all the time.  Please don’t be upset…” he trailed off.

 

Even in the state he was in, Harry knew damn well that this didn’t happen all the time.  Not like this anyway.  Of course breathing accidents happened during dives, but not in a swimming pool for crying out loud.  Not at a training center only thirteen feet down.  And certainly not because a person was remembering their beautiful instructor as a merboy.  Nope, definitely not for that.

 

Thinking during panic attacks did not prove to be helpful so Louis’ words left Harry gasping for air once more as a fresh round of dry sobs shook his body.  He wrapped his arms even more tightly around his legs, squeezing them while he desperately tried to breathe.  In and out.  In and out.  And repeat.

 

When Louis moved away to speak to one of the other instructors behind him, he processed that he was gone, but only because he took his warmth with him.  None of the whispered conversation that took place behind him reached his ears because his erratic breathing and overly stressed heartbeat were the only things that he could hear.  It was practically deafening the way that it was reverberating in his head.  Hell, it was so loud that everyone around him could probably hear his heartbeat too.  Nothing else could get through.  Voices faded into muted background noise and colors seeped together into dull shades of gray.  

 

When Louis appeared in front of him again, he pulled Harry up gently into a sitting position and forced him to keep his eyes fixated on his own.  Somehow, Louis managed to get Harry to time his breathing so that it matched his own.   After God only knows how long, Harry finally began to get his breathing back under control.  Enough so that he was able to process words and even follow small directions.

 

With continued effort, Louis managed to get Harry to the point where he could assist him in the task of getting out of his gear.  Baby steps, but progress nonetheless.  It felt like a lifetime later when Louis finally led Harry to his car and drove them back to Harry’s hall. The car was quiet with Louis choosing to keep the radio turned off.  For the entire length of the ride Harry leaned his head against the cold window angling his body away from Louis.  Fear of the conversation that was sure to follow pushed Harry to place distance between them. Louis was having none of that, however.  He kept a gentle hand resting on Harry’s thigh while continuing to shoot multiple worried glances in his direction for their entire ride back to campus.  The spot where Louis’ hand was touching Harry’s leg was the only place where he felt warm.

 

When they arrived, Louis insisted on following him up to his room to ensure that he got there safely. It was a good thing because Harry was like a walking zombie, completely dead on his feet.  With a gentle hand, Louis led Harry to his bed and quietly stripped him of all his clothes except for his pants and encouraged him to lay down to rest his eyes.  The panic attack had taken a toll and Harry was beyond exhausted so he put up very little fight. Instead he gratefully slid under his covers and didn't flinch at all when Louis curved his body around his back protectively.  

 

“Sleep now. Talk later,” he whispered, carding his fingers lightly through Harry's hair. It couldn’t have taken more than a full minute before Harry drifted off to sleep feeling like he was wrapped in a warm blanket.

 

*****

 

_“Important encounters are planned by the souls long before the bodies see each other.”_

**_-Paulo Coelho_ **

 

Hours had passed by the time Harry opened his eyes again and when he did, it was dark outside.  A quick glance at his alarm clock revealed that it was the middle of the night and he reckoned that’s why he didn’t hear anyone else outside his room.  The moonlight was shining in through his window and Harry took a few moments to lay there quietly lost in his thoughts.  As he did so, he looked at his and Louis’ hands which were linked together.  

 

The contrast of their skin tones against one another was more noticeable in this light, ivory intertwined with gold.  It felt symbolic to him in a way.  He’d always felt as if he was black and white whereas Louis was bursting with every color of the rainbow, reflecting them around himself like a diamond.  Louis was cotton candy pink lips, golden sun-kissed skin and blue blue eyes.  Sometimes crystal blue like a pool and other times stormy blue like the sea.  Simply put, he glowed, magically radiating a light all of his own.  

 

God, he was so gone for this boy and therefore, terrified to tell him the truth.  Afraid it might ruin everything. Squeezing his eyes shut, Harry took a deep breath in to calm his nerves.  Because he was resolved.  He was going to explain himself and in the process of doing so he would risk everything.  

 

“Harry?” A soft voice whispered against his neck.  The warmth of Louis’ breath against his skin sent shivers down his spine.  “Are you feeling any better, love?” he asked him in a quiet voice.

 

Harry nodded his head and bit his lip, too afraid to speak yet.  He realized, though, that this wasn’t quite fair to Louis so he forced himself to turn over so that they were facing one another instead.  Scared of what he might find in Louis’ expression, he was more than a little relieved to find him looking much the same as usual.  A soft smile rested upon his lips and his eyes were a warm, calm blue.

 

“You talk in your sleep.  Did you know that?” Louis asked him as he gently tucked a curl behind his ear.

 

Hearing that didn’t help.  Harry squeezed eyes shut as tightly as possible willing himself not to think about all of the things he could’ve said.  Embarrassing things.   _I love you.  I think I’ve been in love with you since I was five_ **_._ ** _Do you believe in soulmates?  I think you might be mine._ A lighthearted giggle filled the air and Harry held his breath as he felt Louis press gentle kisses against his eyelids.

 

“You don’t have to worry, love.  You didn’t say anything bad.  Come on now, you could never.” He paused for a moment, seeming hesitant.  “I do have one question though?”

 

It took a few seconds for Harry to open his eyes and blink slowly at Louis before finally responding.  “Okay.”

 

Louis waited patiently until Harry’s eyes met his own and then asked him straight forward, ”Who’s Rainbow?”

 

Releasing a shaky breath, he bit his lip before whispering back his response, “I’m afraid to tell you.”

 

“Don’t be scared of me Harry.  Please don’t be scared of me.”  Louis stroked the back of his hand against Harry’s cheek in reassurance.  “If it’s gonna make you upset, you don’t have to tell me.  It’s just...you cried for her in your sleep...and I...I don’t know. I just...was worried I guess.  I wondered who she was.”

 

The way in which Louis asked him was so innocent and so lovely that without sparing a second thought, a partial answer spilled from his lips instantly.  “Rainbow wasn’t a girl.”

 

Clear blue eyes held his own for a beat attempting to make sense of his words.  “What do you mean, _wasn’t_?  Is he gone now?  Did you lose someone important to you?  Is that what causes you to have panic attacks?”

 

“That’s a bit complicated actually.  I did lose somebody.  Somebody really important.  I lost him, but then I found him again.” Harry took a deep breath trying desperately to ignore the persistent fluttering nerves in his belly.  “Louis, if I tell you...If I tell you something, will you promise not to leave?” he managed to choke out quietly.

 

The flutters in his belly doubled with anxiety threatening to take over for a second time.  Waves from a choppy sea crashing along the shore.  That’s what his heartbeat felt like now.  Over and over again, pounding at the earth relentlessly.  So much was on the line right now.  He reminded himself to take deep breaths.  In and out. And repeat.

“I promise,” Louis answered him, his warm breath fanning Harry’s face.  Stroking his finger down the side of Harry’s cheek again, he continued.  “Honestly, I don’t think I could leave if I tried, Harry.  Haven’t you realized yet...?  God, it’s so obvious.”  Louis was scanning his eyes in search of an answer which he wouldn’t find because Harry wasn’t sure what it was Louis was getting at.   

 

Strangely enough, Louis looked a bit nervous as well and that was very unexpected.  If anyone should look nervous right now, clearly that someone should be Harry.  Determined to offer him some reassurance of his own, he reached his finger up to Louis’ and curled the two of them together.  Heat passed between them at the spot where their skin touched and Harry swore that he could feel Louis’ heart beating through the tip of his finger even though realistically he knew that he was probably just feeling his own.  After taking a deep breath, Louis quietly spoke words that Harry hadn’t allowed himself to hope for yet, “I’m in love with you.”

 

 _I’m in love with you._  It echoed in Harry’s ears over and over again.  The sounds of a choppy sea crashing against the shore faded away, replaced with the sound of calm waters washing up gently against the shore instead.  He could feel his heart slowing down to a normal rhythm, some of his anxiety washing away from him in the soft waves.   _I’m in love with you._  Was he dreaming still?  How was this even real?   _I’m in love with you.  Love.  You._

 

“I know it probably seems quick and a bit mad maybe, but I don’t care.” Louis rushed to continue.  “I’m in love with you. God, I’m so in love with you.  Sometimes I feel overwhelmed with it because I don’t even fully understand it myself.  But it’s there anyway even if I don’t understand.  So I’m pretty sure you could never tell me something that would make me want to leave.”

 

The way that Louis was looking at him with such warmth and reverence made Harry’s heart swell to a hundred times it’s normal size.  Louis’ eyes were reflecting the light of the moon and they held him captive, two bright stars twinkling at him with a million unspoken promises. Harry’s breath caught on a hitched sob, “Louis. Lou, I’m so SO in love with you.  I think I probably loved you before I even knew you.”  Somehow, Louis’ eyes seemed to glow brighter with those words.  Harry was unsure how it was even possible.  If they’d been actual stars in the sky they’d rival the North Star, no doubt.  

 

They reached out for one another at the same exact time, both needing to be connected after such intense revelations.  Their lips met in the middle and melted into one another where they spoke of love and promises.  It felt like everything Harry had ever wanted in life.  Kissing Louis felt a lot like coming home, like he was exactly where he was meant to be.  

 

It would be impossible for Harry to properly articulate the exact way that he’d felt at just five years old when Louis swam away from him on that fateful day, but the overwhelming feeling of _this isn’t the way it’s supposed to be_ is probably pretty close.  Thirteen years later Harry was nearly convinced that the two of them might actually be soulmates. Crazy as it may sound, nothing else really made sense.  Meeting at five years old, losing one another for over a decade, finding one another again, forging an instant connection unlike any other?  It was the stuff of fairytales, not real life.  And yet, here they were.   _They loved each other.  They were in love._

 

With their lips pressed together, they exchanged lazy kisses for what felt like hours when in reality, was probably not more than a few minutes.  Eventually Louis pulled back from him to catch his breath and wiped the pads of his thumbs under Harry’s eyes.  Apparently he’d become emotional at some point during their declarations and not even realized it.  Quietly, they lay there staring into one another’s eyes for another few minutes and for some reason, that felt more intimate than their kisses had.  It was as if their souls were calming one another without words.

 

After some time had passed, Louis spoke quietly again.  “I don’t want you to get upset again, Harry.  And of course whatever you decide is perfectly fine.  But I’d still like to know about Rainbow if you want to tell me that is...I promise you I won’t leave.”

 

Reaching over, Harry pulled Louis’ hand into his own and began to rub his thumb in the same calming circular motion that Louis had done for him earlier.  He wasn’t sure whether he was trying to calm down Louis or himself.  It was probably the latter.  Although much less so than before, the undercurrent of nerves remained ever present like a dull buzzing sound in the background.

 

Hearing Louis say those three words had breathed a new confidence into him and yet still, it felt as if he was standing at the edge of a very tall cliff. Standing with his toes curled against the ledge as they tried desperately to hold him safely to earth.  Looking into Louis’ bright blue eyes, his thoughts drifted to memories of the two of them swimming together in the sea and without a plan, he jumped.  Words spilled from his lips uninhibited and suddenly he was free falling.

 

“I named you Rainbow when I was five years old.”  Harry's eyes remained fixed to Louis’ face so he noticed Louis’ breath hitch in his throat the moment the words registered.  Was Louis the sky or the water?  Harry couldn’t tell, but he forced himself to keep looking into the blue regardless of the consequence.  Either he would fly or he would drown.

 

There was no sense in stopping now so he took one more deep breath and prayed he would fly.  “Thirteen years ago, I went on a cruise with my family.  That’s where we met for the first time.  I tried to talk to you, but you couldn’t answer me so I never knew your name.  I knew the sound of your laughter, though, and the way your eyes would crinkle into half moons when you smiled.”  He paused to allow Louis to process this much, noting unspilled tears gathered in the corner of his eyes.

 

“You were a merboy, Lou.  With the most beautiful tail that shimmered in every color of the rainbow.  You were so bright and so, _so_ beautiful.  I was only five years old, but I fell in love with all of your colors the moment I first saw you.  I remember wanting to touch you so badly.  I thought that if I did then maybe I’d be beautiful too.  I wanted to shine like you did and be all the same colors, too.  Since you couldn’t tell me your name, I gave you one instead.   _You_ were Rainbow.”

 

Tears were streaming down Louis’ cheeks quietly now, but he didn’t seem alarmed or put off so Harry continued.  “Everyone told me you weren’t real.  My mum.  My dad.  The therapist they sent me to when they were certain that I’d gone crazy.  They all insisted that you were only my imaginary friend because mermaids didn’t exist.  So I tried to let you go, Lou.  I swear I did because talking about you made everyone else so upset,  but no matter how I tried, I couldn’t forget you.  My heart held onto you, refusing to let you fade away.  I drew pictures of you.  Wrote you songs.  And I hid them all away.  I stashed the pictures and songs in journals and sketchbooks that I shoved under my mattress. Even then, after I forced myself to let you go during the daytime, you still came back to me at night in my dreams.”

 

Harry stopped then, assuming that Louis might need some time to collect himself.  This was quite a heavy load to drop on a person and frankly, Harry was surprised that Louis hadn’t backed away from him yet in fear.  Tentatively, he reached his hand towards him and when Louis didn’t recoil, he gently wiped the tears away from his cheeks.  New ones fell and replaced those soon afterwards.  Harry wiped them away as well without speaking.  

 

The silence between them became deafening. So quiet that Harry could hear the sound of his watch ticking from his bedside table.  After a few minutes of listening to the steady tick tock while lying unmoving beside Louis, Harry felt like he was going to crawl out of his skin with excessive nervous energy.  “Please say something, Lou.  Tell me I’m crazy.  Anything.  Just say something.  Please, Lou.”

 

Louis didn’t answer him right away. Each moment that ticked by felt like an eternity to Harry, but he supposed it didn’t really matter how long it took for Louis to speak.  Obviously he would wait.   After living through more than a decade before seeing him again, Harry knew in his heart that he’d wait a lifetime for him.  And if Louis ended up needing time and space to help him accept the craziness that was their past then Harry would give him that.  It would hurt like hell, but he could do that for him. He would.  

 

Thankfully, it didn’t come to that because after a few more minutes of lip biting anticipation, Louis finally whispered back, "I had dreams too."  It was just four words, but they jolted Harry’s heart back to life.  It began fluttering wildly within his chest like a butterfly getting ready to take flight.  He held his breath as he waited for the next words to come.

 

“I dreamt of being a merboy so many times I can’t even count.  A small one with a colorful tail splashing around in the sea.  Just like you described.  Sometimes in the dreams another merboy would be swimming beside me and other times I’d be all alone.  I can’t remember much more than that really.  Only that I always felt so happy the other boy was with me and so sad when he wasn’t.  Those times, it felt like I was searching for someone.”

 

 _Was it possible that they’d been having the same dreams?_  Harry stared at Louis as he tried to work out the best way to broach this topic because even in his own head, it sounded outrageous.   But then again, so were mermaids if you believed what the books told you.  And alas, here they were.  Slowly he blinked a few times before asking the one question that he felt might answer the _what if_.  “Do you remember what the other merboy looked like, Lou?”

 

His eyebrows furrowed together and Harry could practically see the wheels turning as Louis tried to recall the details of dreams past.  In a perfect world, he would’ve smiled at Harry and gasped as he proclaimed, ‘ _Oh my God.  It was you!’_ and they’d have continued on towards their happily ever after.  Of course that’s not what happened.  Instead, Louis shook his head in frustration.  “Not really.  I don’t remember very much about my dreams if I’m honest.  His tail is really the only thing I can picture.  It was a beautiful shade of blue-green and I remember being inexplicably drawn to him.  He made me feel safe somehow.  Maybe that’s why I felt so sad when he wasn’t with me.”

 

A surge of warmth flooded his veins.  In Harry’s dreams, he’d had a blue-green tail the same as Louis had just described.  Hearing Louis explain how he’d felt when the other merboy and him were separated was basically his biggest life reaffirming moment to date.  Harry had shed so many of his own tears over this exact same thing.  Missing Rainbow in the beginning had been devastating.  No one had ever come close to comprehending his pain and of course he’d been too little at the time to put words to it.  At the time it had felt as if his body had been split into two and he was missing the other half of himself.  To think that Louis may have somehow been having the same dreams and may have also experienced similar emotions was a lot to take.      

 

Quite frankly, the entire situation was a mind twister because everything he’d ever learned suggested that none of these things existed outside the realm of storytelling.  Mermaids were just one of Disney’s mythical creatures and soulmates was a concept typically reserved for romance novels and blockbuster films.   Harry had to reconcile that these things were now reality. His reality, in fact, which...what even?  How the hell any of this was even possible was still profound.  “How is any of this even possible?” Harry voiced out loud his amazement at the thoughts that were rapid fire circulating in his brain.

 

“I don’t know.  I always assumed they were just dreams.  Never allowed myself to think much beyond that…still not sure to be honest...” Louis trailed off, affected greatly by Harry’s revelation and this new host of information about himself.  Louis looked exhausted with red rimmed eyes and appeared smaller than usual, curled slightly in on himself, arms crossed over his chest as they held himself protectively.

 

“You were real, Lou.  Rainbow was real.”  God, Harry had a never ending list of questions.   _How are you human now?  How did you change?  How the hell did we have the same dreams?  Does this change things for us?  Do you believe in soul mates?_ Of course, he couldn’t just very well start spitting off twenty questions.  He wasn’t five years old and furthermore, Louis looked like he could sleep for days.  That made sense given the fact that it was the middle of the night and the entire day leading up to now had been completely draining.  Starting with his panic attack, moving onto confessions of the heart and finally arriving to the fairytale segment where it turned out that his boyfriend used to have a tail with scales instead of legs.  His questions could wait.  Well, most of them could wait that is.

 

“This has been the craziest day.  I’m still pretty tired, Lou.  Do you wanna maybe get some more sleep?  We can talk about things tomorrow...if you’re up for it?”  Harry reached over to gently detach Louis’ arms from their death grip around his torso.  He was pleased when he felt Louis relax into his touch and even more so when he moved a little closer to him.  “I love you, Louis.  I hope this doesn’t change things for us?” Harry asked him softly, needing reassurance.  Most of his questions could wait until tomorrow, but he wouldn’t sleep without this first.

 

“Love you, too, Hazza.” Louis responded instantly, bringing a sense of calm back to Harry with his words.  “A silly amount, really.”  To prove his point, he scooted his body as close as possible, nuzzling his face into Harry’s neck and breathing in deeply.  “I love sleep, too.” He spoke slowly, his breath already evening out into small puffs of air against his neck.  Harry lay still, his mind still racing with unasked questions.  It took time and a lot of deep breathing before his own eyes eventually drifted shut allowing sleep to take over.

 

*****

 

The sun was shining through the open blinds and warming his skin wherever it touched.  That wasn’t the only thing that was warm though.  The body pressed flush to his back and the breath ghosting over his neck were even more welcoming than the rare sunny day it seemed that they might be graced with.  Their legs were tangled together and the hand that Louis had resting against Harry's’ chest was tracing lazy circles on his skin.  He was awake and if the way that he was still wrapped around Harry was any indication, it seemed as though they were gonna be okay.  After everything that they’d discussed in the middle of the night, the relief that Harry felt was palpable.  

 

“Good morning,” Harry said in a sleep raspy  voice with a smile already spread from cheek to cheek.  He felt more content and at peace then he could recall ever feeling before.  Apparently being in love was a soothing balm for the soul.

 

Warm lips pressed to the back of his neck, trailing small kisses on a path to his ear where Louis whispered, “Harry,” he bit his ear gently which was another one of Harry's spots.  “It was you.  I remembered, Harry. _You_ were the merboy.”

 

“How?” Harry barely choked out.

 

“I remembered your eyes.”  Louis paused to press more warm kisses against his neck. “I recognized you that first night at The Junction, but I didn't know why. Do you remember when we met at The Union the next day?  When I asked you if we knew one another?”

 

Harry nodded his head yes because he did remember. He remembered feeling quite conflicted about his response as well. “Well I had a broken flashback from one of my dreams. Don't get too excited because I don't remember much more, but I caught a quick glimpse of your eyes and  I can't believe I didn't make the connection sooner. I've never seen such pretty eyes in my entire life, Haz. The way they shine with the warmth of the sun and how they’re pure green, like new spring grass. Do you know how rare that is?  Always wide and curious and so, so beautiful.  I could get lost in them for days.”

 

Harry couldn't string together a group of words right now if you paid him.   _Louis remembered him. He knew._ They didn't have any secrets between them anymore.  His heart was fluttering and Harry was a bird now, flying free. It felt like all of his prayers were being answered. “I remember you, Hazza. I remember feeling so happy whenever we were together and I remember your pretty green eyes.”

 

A broken sob of happiness escaped Harry’s mouth without permission and without further thought, he pushed his hips backwards into Louis.  Soft groans from both of them filled his small room.  “Oh my god,” dripped from Louis’ mouth in a breathless gasp.  Before Harry could stop himself, he was rocking backwards into him again longing to hear more of Louis’ noises.

 

Somehow, something clicked into place that morning. The two of them remained the same despite the fact that everything had changed.  Whether due to late night confessions about feelings or because of the fact that no more secrets lingered between them, it seemed as if a barrier had been knocked down. There were no more fences holding him back.  This time when Harry told Louis how much he wanted him, he heard a, “God, yes,” exhaled against his neck in response.  To show he meant it, Louis rocked his hips forward in perfect time with Harry as he pushed back.

 

Clothes were shed quickly in between pauses for hot kisses while gentle fingers trailed over soft skin. When Harry lay fully bare beneath him, he no longer felt nervous because Louis was gazing at him with such reverence that there was no space for anything else.  Harry was consumed by emotions as love radiated off of Louis towards him in waves.

 

“You're so beautiful, Hazza. The most beautiful boy I've ever seen.”  Harry stared back at him in awe, taking a mental snapshot of the vision above him, determined to remember this forever. The sun danced upon Louis’ skin, creating a halo effect and making it seem like he was glowing. He looked like an angel. It wasn't the first time that Louis had rendered him speechless and it probably wouldn't be the last. Harry had never seen such an exquisite creature in all his life.

 

“Please, Louis,” were the only words he could manage.

 

Their bodies fused together as if they were built specifically for that very purpose. Engineered like magnetic puzzle pieces pulling tightly together until space no longer existed between them. They moved together as one as if they'd done so a million times before. Harry could feel Louis from inside and everywhere all around him. Covering him, surrounding him and wrapping him securely with all of his beautiful colors.

 

All that he felt was Louis. All that he could see was this beautiful boy who loved him back. _Louis Louis Louis._ Just him and nothing else as they fell apart at the same time with one another's names upon their lips.  Starbursts exploded behind his eyelids and they overlapped an image of Louis that would be etched there permanently, until the end of time.

 

Seconds later soft lips were pressing unhurried kisses against his own and he savored every one of them like a special gift.   They laid wrapped around one another, kissing, smiling and happily sighing into one another’s mouths until they both reluctantly admitted that they needed to clean themselves up.  Louis eased himself from the bed to retrieve a warm flannel which he used first to wipe over Harry's still heated skin and then his own before tossing it to the floor.  

 

With grabby hands Harry reached for him, pulling a giggling Louis back into his body and covering his lips with his own once more.   It felt like he might never be able to get enough of him. They stopped every few minutes and gazed at one another in amazement, both of them still overwhelmed with how perfectly they'd fit together.  Unable to stay unattached for very long, they would end up leaning back in to taste one another before repeating the full cycle again.

 

Time was irrelevant.  It ticked by, of course, but Harry paid it no mind.  He was too caught up in the beautiful boy beside him.  Nowhere near ready to give up this happy bubble that enclosed them.  Although time was inconsequent to them, their bodies had different ideas.  Eventually their stomachs let out loud protests at having been neglected for so long.  They hadn’t eaten since before scuba class the day prior so it had been almost a full day.

 

Reluctantly, they pulled themselves from his bed and threw on some old sweats and band shirts of his before heading out to grab a bite to eat.  It was over some sandwiches that they finally began to talk about the memories which had come back to Louis.  “Do you have any memories from before you were...you know...human...or do you only remember your dreams?”  Harry kept his voice lowered to a whisper so that they wouldn’t be overheard.  It was obviously within their best interest to be discreet about Louis’ past.  He couldn’t imagine people’s reactions being too favorable if they happened to overhear a conversation about mermaids being real.

 

“I don’t...I don’t know.  Sometimes I have flashbacks to the morning when I woke up on the beach.  A fisherman found me.” Louis paused, lost in thoughts from that day.  “It’s a bit hazy, but my memory of it is pretty much always the same. I was crying.  And I was looking for someone. Someone I’d lost.  I always assumed it was my family, but then why would they never have come to find me?”  Louis frowned as he mentioned that possibility.

 

That was understandable. If Harry had grown up thinking that his family had never come back for him after he'd gone missing surely that would be upsetting to him as well. He reached out and squeezed Louis’ hand to show him that he was still loved regardless of his past.

 

Louis kept his eyes trained on the spot where their hands were connected until Harry released him. When he met Harry's eyes again, his own were suspiciously wet in the corners. “That wasn't who I was looking for, Hazza. I can't explain how I know this, but it’s so clear to me now.  It was you.  I know I was searching for you.”

 

Perhaps they shouldn’t have had the talk in public because Harry really didn’t want to cry right now.  The last twenty-four hours had made him begin to feel like a human faucet.  They would’ve been happy tears, but he still wished them away, determined to remain strong for Louis right now.  It couldn't be easy for him to try to recall buried memories from his past.  Louis was going to need someone to support him through this discovery process and Harry wanted to be that person for him.  

 

“Do you believe in soulmates, Lou?” he bit his lip as he watched Louis’ face carefully.

Louis met his eyes and Harry felt himself sinking into the bottomless pool of blue.  “I never gave it much thought before now to be honest.  But yeah.  I mean, I can’t think of of another explanation for how the two of us managed to find one another a second time if soulmates don’t exist.  The world is pretty big, no?  And yet, despite it’s size, the universe pushed us together again.  It feels like more than just a coincidence to me.”  He paused to take a bite of his sandwich and both of them remained silent for a few moments as they chewed their food.  Eventually Louis turned the question back around on him. “What do you believe, Harry?”

 

“I’ll always believe that I was meant to find you, Lou. I missed you and dreamt about you for years before I even knew your name. So if that means that I believe in fate or soulmates then I guess the answer’s yes.  I suppose we’ll never know for sure, but this feels important to me.” Harry said motioning between the two of them.  “It feels right.”

 

“To me too, love.  Me too.  Maybe we’ll never be able to explain how or why this happened to us, but I’m so glad it did.  I’m grateful it brought me to you.”  Louis reached across the table and tangled their fingers together and this time Harry didn’t even spare a glance around at those who happened to be sitting nearby.  It didn’t matter what other people thought when he was the one lucky enough to be sitting beside this this beautiful boy.  Everything else seemed trivial in comparison.

 

*****

_Sometimes when we meet certain people the chemistry is so strong_

_that both people are transformed._

**_Priya Sher_ **

 

 _Human beings as a general rule crave answers to many things in life by asking why? how? when? and where?  Ambiguous explanations for things can leave a person feeling uncomfortable or in some cases frustrated at the lack of answers.  Take for example a detective investigating a case. Imagine how they feel when they’re following a trail and instead of finding another clue, the trail leads to a dead end.  The case remains unsolved and questions unanswered .  It would be unsatisfying to say the least._  

 

Harry and Louis were no exception to the laws of human nature so when they couldn’t find concrete explanations for how Louis had changed, it was a little frustrating for them.  Louis hadn’t fully recovered his memories from the life that he’d lived before this one.  Brief flashes of things would come to him in his dreams occasionally, but that was all.  His memory of when he was found on the beach ended up being the clearest one he had.  It was actually one of the only clues that they were able to utilize to look further into his past.  They discovered that he had been brought to Jay’s hospital the day after Harry’s family returned from their trip.  The fisherman who’d brought him in had found him in the same general vicinity that their ship had likely docked.  

 

That information hadn’t been easy for Harry to obtain because asking his mum for details of their trip would’ve worried her unnecessarily.   Fortunately for him, Gemma had come through by casually getting him some basics from her.  He’d been able to take that information to the company that owned that ship and by a stroke of luck, they had retained an archived record of the ship’s journeys. Thankfully, it contained all of the details that he needed.  

 

Retrieving information from Louis’ mum had been much easier because she had no reason to question his curiosity. For a person with an unclear past, asking questions about when he'd been found seemed like a reasonable request to her.  When the dates lined up perfectly, it wasn’t a shock per se, but it still rendered both of them speechless for a good while.

 

That night, they laid in bed facing one another quietly, both of their minds spiraling with follow-up questions to this new information.  Louis was the first to break their silence.  “It actually affirmed what I’ve been suspecting.”

 

“What do you mean, Lou?  You never mentioned anything…” Harry trailed off, confused.

 

“Well, I had a dream a few days ago.  I didn’t want to say anything yet because I wasn’t sure whether I dreamt it because I wanted it to be true or if it was an actual memory.”  He looked at Harry and he took a deep breath in, unsure of what would come next. “It’s a really fuzzy memory of a dream to be fair, but basically I remember swimming alongside a ship in the sea.  I was alone, but strangely enough I was really happy.”

 

Harry’s breath hitched in his throat.  “I knew it.  I knew I saw you.”

 

“I think I followed your ship to shore, Hazza.”  Louis’ voice was quiet, yet filled with emotion.  “The last part I remember was being in the water and crying as I looked towards the shoreline.”

 

A tear spilled over Harry’s cheek as Louis finished speaking.  “I heard you,” Harry choked out.  “I heard you crying and I should’ve made them stay.  I should’ve run back for you.  I remember wanting to.”  His body was shaking now and more tears followed same path as the first one.  There was no doubt in Harry’s mind that when his family had disembarked from the ship that day that what he heard had been real.  What if he’d turned around and ran back to find Louis?  Things could’ve been so much different.

“Hey. Hazza, no.  Look at me, baby.” It took a few seconds before he was able to look back up at him, his eyes still wet from tears.  Louis’ eyes remained clear blue and they were shining back at him with love and patience. “You were only five years old.  There’s nothing you could’ve done at the time.”

 

Louis was right, but that didn’t make it hurt any less.  Harry had left him behind.  What if he’d never found him again?  Thinking about that produced a full body shiver. It was completely unfathomable.  “Listen to me, Harry.  Remember when we talked about fate?”

 

“Yeah?”  Harry had to bite his lip so that he wouldn’t beg forgiveness for leaving him behind.

 

“Well, we agreed that we both believed in it.  Right?”  When Harry nodded at him in agreement he continued. “Okay, so what if things happened the way they were supposed to?  No, hear me out, babe,” Louis insisted when Harry’s eyebrows furrowed together.  “The time wasn’t right for us just yet. You were only five years old.  I was probably seven.  Maybe I was meant to find Jay, too.  She’s been a great mum to me and Mark was a great dad.  I had a really happy childhood and I’m proud to be a Tomlinson.”

 

As Harry truly listened to what Louis was saying he realized that he was right.  Of course he was. “I love you, Harry.  We were too young the first time we met.  I don’t regret anything that happened because it led us to today.  And look at us now.  We could have a lifetime together if we choose to.  A life filled with the deepest kind of love.  Not many people get this lucky.  So don’t blame yourself for not coming back for me.  We found our way back home to one another in the end and isn’t that the most important thing?”

 

Harry would never understand how or why the universe had hand-picked him for Louis, but he would never stop thanking the stars that it had.  He was in love with the most beautiful, kindhearted and gentle of souls.  Leaning forward, he pressed his lips against Louis’, enjoying the taste of his minty breath and the faint smell of his sun-kissed skin that belonged to him alone.  This was how they communicated sometimes when words eluded them.  A few minutes later, he pulled back from Louis to tell him with words as well.  “I’d choose you, Lou.  More than anything else, I want a lifetime of new memories and adventures with you.  I’m so, _so_ in love with you.”

 

“I love you, Hazza.  I may never know _how_ I changed, but I think I understand _why_.  I changed so we could be together because you felt like home to me.   And I'm a ridiculous silly amount in love with you.”

 

*****

 

_“If you ever find yourself stuck in the middle of the sea,_

_I'll sail the world to find you_

_If you ever find yourself lost in the dark and you can't see,_

_I'll be the light to guide you”_

 

 _-_ **_Bruno Mars- Count on Me_ **

 

“I love it,” Harry exhaled breathlessly.  He couldn’t touch it, of course, so he rubbed his finger gently against the skin that surrounded Louis’ tattoo.  The ink looked incredible against his skin just as he suspected it would.

 

“I have to admit I do too,” Louis smiled up at him.  They’d just returned from the tattoo parlor and Harry was straddling him on his sofa.  He’d discovered that tattoos weren't as painful as he’d thought they would be, but also found that getting one was a bit of an aphrodisiac for him.  “Never fancied myself being the tattoo type, but I guess I was wrong.”

 

“I wanna get another one,” Harry insisted right away.

 

“Calm down, Curly. You just got the ship.  Maybe let the ink dry first?”  Louis laughed at him happily.

 

“Fine,” Harry pretended to be offended for a full five seconds before his dimples popped out and he leaned down to lick Louis’ face playfully.

 

“Gross.” Even as Louis wiped his face off he couldn’t keep his fond smile from shining brightly back at him.  “What would you get, though?  You know.  Hypothetically speaking.  If you were to get another.”

 

“An anchor,” he replied instantly.

 

“Ohhhh.  So you’ve thought about this, then?” Louis arched his eyebrow at him.

 

“Maybeeee.  I might have.  Probably have.  Alright, I have definitely considered the fact that I should have an anchor.  For my ship, obviously.”

 

“Right.  Well, that makes sense.  You already have my compass to guide you and now you need an anchor.”

 

Harry traced the outside of Louis’ tattoo again as he smiled down at him happily.  “Well...Your compass guides my ship home.  So I should probably have an anchor to keep me there.  Don’t you agree?”

 

“I do fancy keeping you so you might be onto something,”  Louis’ eyes crinkled at the corners.

 

His smile was still the most beautiful thing that Harry had ever seen.  He took Louis’ hand into his and slowly circled his fingers around his wrist, keeping his eyes fixed upon his face all the while.  Louis seemed to know he was up to something so he raised his brow in question.  “You know if I get an anchor, I’m gonna need a rope to tie it down?”  He purposefully looked down at Louis through his lashes.  “You have such lovely wrists.  Have I ever told you that?”

 

“Mmhmmm.  Would the rope be tied in an infinity knot, Curly?” Harry’s belly flipped in excitement, happy that Louis was playing along.  But also thrilled at the prospect of getting another matching tattoo set with his boy.  Specifically _this_ tattoo set.  Especially now that an infinity knot was on the table.

 

“Yeah.  I think an infinity knot would be my first choice, actually.”  Harry answered and his own smile was so big that he could feel his eyes crinkling at the corners too.  

 

“You wouldn’t be suggesting that _I_ get an infinity knot for _your_ anchor?  Would you, Hazza?  Because _you know_ infinity knots have neither a beginning or an end?  Right?” Louis teased him.  Harry nodded and leaned down to trail light kisses across Louis’ throat before smiling into his neck.

 

“I see.  Well, I think you might be onto something, Harry.  I think my wrist would look quite nice with an infinity knot someday.”

 

Harry lifted his head back up to see Louis’ face because what had started off as lighthearted tattoo banter had turned into something much deeper and he needed to see his boy’s’ eyes to be sure.  He found them shining back at him clear blue and bright like a star.  They were reflecting his own happiness back up at him, filled with unspoken promises for them and what was yet to come.  “I love you, Harry.” Louis said simply and it was amazing how every time he said those words Harry’s heart picked up speed.  

 

“You told me before that I felt like home to you.  I love you so, _so_ much.  You are my home, Lou.  I think I’m gonna love you forever.”

 

It was a lot.  Everything between them had always been bigger, brighter and more than they could’ve imagined.  But this particular moment was more than all of the moments leading up to it.  More intense.  More special.  Just... _more_.  

 

“Then I look forward to forever with you, my love.”

 

_~fin~_

 

 

 

Notes: HUGE thanks to [Sam](http://harrystylesadidasaddict.tumblr.com/), my lovely beta and brit pick who spends a fair amount of time kicking my ass into gear so that I continue to write.  I will forever be grateful to you, Sam.  Thank you for being the very best cheerleader.  Thank you to my chat peeps too, who put up with a lot of yelling and excitement from me about fics.  I love you guys.  Thank you so much to anyone who stuck around and for any new readers as well.  I know that it took me far longer to finish than I planned.  There will be an epilogue at some point in the future, but the fic is completed for now.

 Come say hi on [tumblr](http://someonethatsfunny.tumblr.com/)!!  If you liked it and felt like sharing it, [here is a link](http://someonethatsfunny.tumblr.com/post/129346540635/i-know-all-your-colors-by-someonethatsfunny-chap) to the masterpost to reblog on tumblr.  Thanks again :D

  
  
  
  



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